


Wayward Sons

by HannibalsAngel



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - Gang World, Benny Lafitte & Dean Winchester Friendship, Biting, Blow Jobs, Carry On My Wayward Son, Character Death, Destiel - Freeform, Drug Abuse, Drug Dealing, Drug Use, Drugs, First Time Blow Jobs, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Gang Violence, Gangs, Hair-pulling, Impala Sex, M/M, Making Out, Obsessive Behavior, Outdoor Sex, Protective Dean Winchester, Protective Sam Winchester, Ratings: R, Relationship(s), Sabriel - Freeform, Sex in the Impala, Shameless Smut, Smut, True Love, not sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-02
Updated: 2015-03-29
Packaged: 2018-02-23 14:26:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 15
Words: 32,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2550875
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HannibalsAngel/pseuds/HannibalsAngel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A Harvard student (Cas) wants more in his life. His roommate (Gabriel) takes him to a bar, well known to be a hideout for gangs, and his entire world changes in one night. He accidentally falls in love with the leader (Dean) of an infamous gang, the Wayward Sons, after having a one-night stand. After Dean returns to "sweep him off his feet", everything goes downhill. Now, Cas and Gabriel are on board with the Wayward Sons and are running away from Don Lucifer, who wants all of them dead. One event after another, Cas' life changes completely and has to live the way of a Wayward Son.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Better Than Life

**Author's Note:**

> Alrighty, this is my first Supernatural fanfic, so please spare my soul.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _We need to feel what it is like_   
>  _To go through the good times_   
>  _So that we can_   
>  _We can feel the pain_

      He woke up, beat down and zombie-like. The night before, Cas chugged down sleeping pills to force his stressed body to rest. He had a huge midterm yesterday morning, and he'd spent countless sleepless nights studying for it. He went to Harvard on a half-scholarship, which would be renewed if he's admitted into the honor's program. He'd always wanted to be a prestigious judge, but this was slowly killing him. He never minded the 'nerd' life, but he'd always wanted to have fun, but no one there was ever down to host a keg party. There were never any crazy parties or sluts or even actual drugs. Sure, there were a few stoners, but he was interested in trying out Ecstasy and Acid, even LSD. But the most important thing he wanted was sex.

      Cas was still a virgin, but that was only because all throughout high school, he was still trying to figure his sexuality. But now he was certain, he liked to 'lie with men' as his friend put it. He's never had time for anything other than school, but he's always wanted to party hard. He slumped onto the floor next to his Hobbit sized fridge. He lazily opened it, took an energy shot, and threw it back like hard alcohol. He lied his head on the fridge and let out a long, deep sigh. His roommate, Gabriel, fell off the top of the bunk, belly first on the stiff carpet. Cas laughed quietly as his hungover roommate crawled to the fridge, "man, you shoulda’ been there. It was insane! There was this huge bar fight and -"

      He babbled on; this happened every Wednesday, Gabe would go to this biker bar and just get drunk with the gangs. He's grown quite fond of a few gangs, including the Wayward Sons and the Latin Leaders. They'd just casually hang out, all while Cas stayed back to study or do homework. Gabe had a peer on a leash. He said he'd get the gangs to get him if he didn't finish his barely-started homework.

      "I also recommended you to -"

      "You what!" Cas jumped back and both men stared at each other.

      "I'm kidding, god. None of them wanna see you anyways. You're boring."

      "Ugh, don't tell me about it." Cas dropped his head back on the wall.

      “But,” Gabe started, “I could take you out tonight, drinks on me. Finally let loose, because you don’t have classes tomorrow.”

      Cas shrugged, “but you do.”

      Gabe looked at him, brows raised, “and since when did I care about attending classes?"

      “Why are you even here then!”

      “My dad’s the dean, so I have to come here.” He dropped his body on the floor, and whispered, “I just wanna party.”

      Cas shook his head, “I have classes today so -”

      “So you’re coming tonight! Yes!” Gabe raised his fists.

      “No, I didn’t say that.”

      “Too bad, I’m dragging you with me. Hey, maybe you’ll even have a one-night stand with some really cool Latinos! I hear they’re pretty amazing.”

      Cas shook his head. He had a bunch classes that day, almost an eight-hour day. By the time he’d be done, he would drop dead. But he looked at Gabriel, who raised his brows and said ‘come on’ facially. Cas had no other choice but to go with him.  

      Eight excruciating hours later, Cas quietly strolled through the dim campus. He didn’t forget their plans, but he thought a walk through the sunset-colored campus would calm his mind; restart it. Another student ran up to him, "Gabriel's looking for you, ‘ya know. He said he wants to leave asap, from campus and from the bar. I dunno why, though. He's at the main gate." Cas sighed, nodded, and headed for the main gate.

      Gabriel was standing in front of his classic Cadillac, arms crossed. "Finally! Hurry up!"

      They rushed into the car, Cas buckled his seat belt, "why are we rushing? We have all night."

      Gabe revved the engine, "I thought we did, but shit's happening and I'm not there to see it! It's serious business! There's a gang rivalry and my guy texted me saying there might be a huge bar fight. Like, police and guns serious!"

      Cas looked at Gabe, "why in god's name are you taking me then!"

      "Because it's gonna be awesome!" Cas dropped his head on the headrest. His heart raced as Gabriel sped down the highway. 

      About a half hour later, Cas' life would be shaken loose. Gabe swiftly parked the Cadillac in the rear of the bar. They walked fast and perfectly; noises of angry drunk guys were muffled outside. Gabe smiled with morbid excitement, and Cas fidgeted like mad. The watchman waved them in, and it only got louder.

      The boys walked towards the dance floor, which held the brawl. Gabriel leaned on the rails and looked down on the arguing men. They were huge, muscularly built. They were covered in tattoos; fingers to shoulders, ankles to chest. Permanent artwork of women, dragons, gang sigils and animals representing their position. Cas was terrified, but took the time to conclude that the ink, was in fact, pure art. Gabe nudged the timid student, "okay, so the guy with the beard and the snake tat, he's the treasurer of the Liberty Sons. The guy with the tat of eagle eyes, he's the scout of the Serpents. My guy told me Serpent guy tried to hustle Liberty guy's money from a billiard game. They're only fighting because they're drunk as hell. But it's fun!"

      "Should I be concerned you call your friend your 'guy'?"

      Gabe scrunched his face, "of course not. He just doesn't want his name to be spread. That's all." He gave Cas a reassuring smile, but Cas was far from that.

      The men got louder, and the Liberty Son pulled a six-inch blade from his pocket. Cas wanted no part of what was bound to happen, so he quickly escaped the crowd when Gabe was telling the story to a Latin Leader. There was so much commotion, and Cas rushed towards waves of people moving toward him. He finally plopped himself out of the crowd, but bumped into a tall, built man, spilling his drink on his shirt. "Shit, kid, you ruined my shirt." 

Cas looked up at him with wide eyes. He was sure he was going to get knifed. The man's deep green eyes pierced into Cas' magnificent blue eyes. Cas stumbled his words of apology, but the man shut him up.

      "Dude, it's okay. It's your first time here, ain’t it?" Cas quickly nodded. The man smiled, "well it's a great thing I'm not drunk yet, right? Because I would've knocked your ass into next year." The man laughed deeply, and Cas kept his distance. The man stood tall, "I'm somebody you shouldn't know. All you need to know is that I run the Wayward Sons. I expect you to leave in terror."

      Cas nodded, and went back into the crowd to try to find Gabriel. He called his name, but it was so rowdy, he could barely hear himself think. He pushed himself between large, brooding, sweaty men. He finally reached the railing, but Gabriel wasn't there. "Shit." He squeezed himself between the men and the rails. He heard his name being called in the noise. He turned and looked around; Gabriel was calling him from the other end of the bar, across the dance floor brawl. Gabe motioned for him to go to him, but there was not a chance in hell he was gonna pass the bleeding, punching gang members. He shoved himself between the men and rails until he reached the stairs to the dance floor of hell. Unsurprisingly, not a soul was near those steps. He breathed heavily; cardio was not of his nature. He heard brief yelling, then someone from the crowd pushed him down the three wooden stairs. He skipped all three steps and landed directly on his back. His head hit the solid wood, and he went blank for a few moments, until someone pulled him up.

      He hazily looked around; he was dead center of the brawl. There was a woman in front of him, not feminine at all. She held her tatted fists up; she wanted to maim him. He got his vision cleared, but it was too late. She punched him square in the eye. He swore he went airborne. His eye immediately throbbed, and he had wished she knocked him out. She yelled at him to get up and fight like a man, and he slowly rose from the ground. She smirked, and punched right in his temple. He blacked out. It seemed like he was in darkness for years, but it was only a few minutes.

      He woke up, head on the bar. He slowly rose and prepared himself for the excruciating pain to come shortly. His entire head felt like it was a balloon filled with too much water. He felt like it was about to burst. The music and continued noise made it much worse. Still, Gabriel wasn't in sight. The gorgeous Texas-born bartender gave him a bag of ice, "here darlin'. She whooped yer ass good." Cas smiled, "don't remind me." She smiled and went to cater a drunken fool. He slowly put the ice on his eye, and when they met, he felt like screaming. The freezing ice burned his huge swollen eye.

      "You know your eye looks like it grew bigger." There was a random voice mocking him.

      He picked his head up, it was the guy he bumped into. He laughed and slid a hard Whiskey toward him. Cas threw it back like it was the last one on earth. "Mind getting me a bottle?" The green-eyed man laughed and got him two.

      "What the hell were you doing down there?" Cas drank directly from the bottle. He barely swallowed, "someone pushed me down there. I don't know why that crazy lady wanted to kill me."

      The stranger, who right now was more of a friend than Gabriel, laughed loudly. Cas shook his head, "is that all you do? Laugh at other people's misfortunes?" The man smiled, "if you can't laugh at other people's failures what else can you laugh at?" Cas shrugged. He had a point.

      "Why are you helping me? You didn't even tell me your name." The man twirled his finger around the rim of the glass. His smile became a small smirk.

      "There are certain things that should be left unsaid you know."

      Cas hated this. He hated everything that night. He wanted to know this man's name for no other reason than to say thanks properly.

      "Well, thanks for the drink mysterious stranger who hopefully didn't drug me." The man laughed, "never."

      The man looked at Cas as he chugged the Whiskey, "tell me your name and I might tell you mine."

      "Might?"

      "Okay, fine. I'll most likely tell you my name."

      Cas smiled, "whatever. I'm Cas." The stranger slowly nodded his head, "not everyday you hear a name like that."

      "Cool. Now tell me your name. You said you would." Green-eyes chuckled, "nope. I said most likely, I never said I will."

      "Whatever." The smart ass looked at Cas, "is that your punchline? Whatever?"

      "Only to you, because you're an ass." He laughed, "you're an interesting character, you know that Cas?"

      The way he said his name, it was amazing. Cas felt his abdomen twisting up. He was exploding with energy, and the man didn't even know it. All he could say was "thanks." They became silent for a while. The man finally spoke after a few drinks, "are you free later tonight? I mean I have like, a headache remedy if you, you know, have a headache?" He spoke shakily and awkwardly. Cas knew what he was trying to do, and he wanted in. Innocently, Cas agreed to go back to the motel that night.

      "Alright, " the green-eyed stranger said, "I just need to tell my brother I'm leaving early and getting a separate room." Cas nodded and watched the insanely attractive man walk towards a larger, broad-shouldered man. He gave a few glances at Cas, and his date walked back. "Okay, I can take the car, but I need to come back 'round five to pick up the rest of my boys and we'll leave first thing in the morning. Don't worry, I'll pay for the room." One-night stand. With a stranger. Who is the gang leader. What fun that would be.

      They walked out together, and right in front was a gorgeous Impala. Cas' mouth dropped in awe; it was absolutely beautiful. It held the moon's reflection in the window.

      "It's a '67 Chevy Impala. I'm guessing you like her." Cas closed his mouth, and smiled. The man opened the passenger door. Cas got in, and he jogged to the driver's side, slid in like he's done that a thousand times, and drove off into the dark highway. "Don't worry, it's not far from here." This was Cas' first time ever, and his heart was pounding at his chest. He worried that his date would hear the terror. He was unconsciously shaking and his companion put his hand on Cas' thigh. Cas exploded. The one-night stand was probably going to be ruined because of Cas' inexperience.

      He pulled up into a dirty motel, and stayed in the car. "Cas is this your first time at a trashy motel?" Cas shook his head. He smiled, "it's okay, it's clean." They got out and made their way to a milestone. Cas was shaky, but not after green-eyes touched him. He felt like blowing up into a thousand pieces. All of this was terrifying for the poor student. The man entered the room, and Cas took a deep breath and walked in behind him.

      The room was clean, for the most part. It had a mixed smell of bleach and sex. And the painting of a nude man and woman didn’t make it any better. Cas was scared, he wasn't sure what kind of lover this man was. Was he rough? Would he leave bruises and bite marks? Or was he sweet? Cas had a thousand scenarios in his head. He sat on the bed innocently, while the gang leader walked to the bathroom to get ready. He turned to the virgin, "unbutton a few buttons on your shirt and your pants, I want to do the rest." He shot a wink at him, and Cas began to slowly unbutton his shirt. His shirt hung off his shoulders a bit, revealing his bare chest. His date came out shirtless. There was a tattoo on the left side of his chest. Cas had seen that symbol prior, but forgot what it meant. He accidentally kept a strong glare at the tat.

      "Like it?" The man asked in a strange tone. "It's an anti-possession symbol." He bent down to Cas' level and slowly crawled on top of him as he whispered, "it's my gang's sigil." Cas' heart raced with excitement and terror. Cas was on his back and the man hovered over him closely. They looked into each other's eyes, and he crashed his lips on to his. Cas slowly traced his lover's biceps with his fingers until his palms lied on his perfectly rounded shoulders. The man smiled on Cas' lips. He kissed his neck, leaving traces of red spots running down his neck. Cas moaned, and for a second, forgot he was a virgin. His lover ended up on Cas' clavicle, kissing and sucking on the round part. Cas pulled on his hair. He felt his precum wet his boxers. The green-eyed man kissed his chest, and slowly and seductively unbuttoned the rest of his shirt. Now Cas understood why; it was hot.

      The shirt fell open and revealed all of his torso. Cas had a scar right above his left hip. The stranger put his thumb on the bullet wound and looked up at him.

      "It was a while ago, I'll tell you later."

      The gangster smiled; he knew there was no later. He kissed the scar. Cas felt his teeth graze on the wound and he grabbed onto the sheets in ecstasy. Cas began to sweat.

      The man slowly unzipped his pants, but took no time taking them off. Cas closed his eyes tightly as his date kissed and imbibed his thighs, leaving hickeys. He took off his own pants. His tight underwear had an outline of his presumably hard dick. Cas looked at him wide eyed; he was not ready for this. His nameless lover crawled back on top of, his weight was rousingly heavy on Cas. The virgin wanted to feel every inch of his body on his, but he also wanted to just lay there. They resumed kissing roughly, losing breath and clashing teeth. Cas unconsciously bit his partner's lip hard. His partner smiled, and started to pull his boxers off. Cas felt a gush of cold hit his crotch, and he shivered a bit. They both smiled, and his partner took off his underwear. His one-night companion, who still lied on top of him, reached for the drawer of the nightstand. He pulled out a condom, ripped it open and put it on. Cas' heart was racing, and his partner felt it.

      "You okay," he whispered.

      Cas nodded, "it's my first time. Ever."

      His lover smiled and kissed his ear, "then I'll go easy."

      Hearing this made Cas feel legitimately better. He took a deep breath and kept that in mind.

      "If I'm hurting you, let me know. Okay?"

      Cas nodded. His partner began kissing him softly, then quickly. He grabbed onto Cas' hips and held them in place. Cas felt his lover's erection slowly enter him. The gang leader dropped his head next to Cas' neck and breathed heavily. He heard quiet profanity leave both their mouths. As he slowly went deeper and deeper, Cas' left hand gripped his back and his right held onto his nape. Cas began to whisper 'fuck' to himself, and his partner's breath made him sweat more.

      The mysterious man rested his forehead on Cas', "you okay?"

      Cas barely nodded. His mind was a wave of thoughts he couldn't control.

      “Still have that headache?” They smiled, and his lover began to pull out, then back in.

      Cas tightly closed his eyes and indulged in the bitter sweet pain of sex. His partner tried to kiss him, but he was only able to push his lips onto Cas'. Cas moaned louder and louder as he started to reach orgasm. His partner began to move his hips into him faster and rougher. The thug’s jaw opened as he came. He let out a short but loud and deep groan. Cas, shortly after, came as well. His cum dripped down his waist. The, now close, stranger breathed onto Cas' mouth, and neither of them moved. The gangster collapsed next to him. The room was now tainted with sweat and cum. Cas looked back at the clock next to him. It seemed as if it was only five minutes, but they were at it for an hour.

      "How was your first time?" The ring leader asked attentively, and breathing heavily.

      "It was-" Cas didn't know what to say. It was amazing. Not what he expected (which was more pain) but it was flawless.

      The thug smiled, "yeah, well, if you weren't a virgin I would've done so much more to you." The way he spoke, it was sexy. The leader turned off the light, "goodnight Cas."

      Cas smiled; once in his life he was comfortable next to another attractive man. "Goodnight." He pulled the cum-stained comforters over them. His partner rolled onto his side, his back faced Cas, and Cas did the same. However, Cas wanted to snuggle with him, but he already knew why that couldn't happen. It was so strange for Cas. He was the nameless leader of a gang, probably brutal, and there he was, sleeping next to a guy he just had slow sex with. Cas closed his eyes and tried to forget he was there.

      After a while, Cas heard talking. He slowly opened his eyes, but pretended to be asleep. His one-night stand man was talking on the phone. It was a small, old, cheap flip phone. Cas assumed he was talking to his brother, "alright, calm the fuck down, I’ll be there in ten.” The leader chuckled,”holy shit is he dead? Fuck. Just hide until the cops leave. I’ll be there, wait god dammit.” When he hung up, Cas turned to him like he just wasn't eavesdropping.

      He smiled, "you shouldn't be up."

      Cas smirked, "you shouldn't be either."

      The gangster laughed, "yeah, I do have to be up now. It's 4:30, I gotta get my group and hit the road."

      Cas sighed; he didn't want him to leave. He didn't even know his name but he gave him one amazing night. They just looked at each other silently. The stranger sighed, "Dean."

      "What?"

      "My name. It's Dean. I told you I'll most likely tell you my name. And I did. There you go."

      Cas didn't know what to say. "Alright. Dean. Such a common name."

      Dean laughed, "yeah, well." They both chuckled, and then stared smiling. "Well, Cas. It was definitely an awesome night, but I gotta go."

      Cas nodded. He watched every detail of Dean as he put his clothes on. Dean opened the door, "see ya later, Cas." He saluted and didn't even wait for a response from him. He quickly walked out the door. Cas heard his squeaky car door, his ancient engine rev up, and heard the sound of gravel become quieter and quieter until there wasn't a damn sound.

      "See ya."


	2. Just One Yesterday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _If heaven's grief_   
>  _Brings hell's rain_   
>  _Then I'd trade all my tomorrows for just one yesterday_

      Cas walked all the way back to his dorm. He stumbled into his room, to find Gabriel sitting on the floor in the corner. He had his phone in his hand, and he was wearing what he wore the night before, plus a few cuts and blood stains. "Gabe?" Gabriel didn't answer; he was sleeping. Cas slammed the door, making the hungover party-monger jump. "Holy shit, Cas!"

      He jumped up and hugged Cas tightly. "Jesus Christ man you scared me!"

      Cas patted his back, "that's what you get for dragging me to that place."

      Gabriel looked at Cas right in the eye, "where've you been, man. I looked everywhere! I checked the bar a thousand times, I went around campus asking everybody; not a damn person seen you! Dude, I thought you were hurt! Where were you? Why didn't you fucking call!"

      Cas slowly took the stressed man's hands off, "I went - out."

      Gabe squared his eyes, "what?"

      "I kind of, left."

      "Like, sex left or dork left?"

      Cas looked down at his shoes. He wanted to tell Gabe the truth, "dork left."

      Gabriel sighed, "you've gotta be - whatever. Where did you go?"

      "Coffee shop." Fuck.

      "And you didn't friggin drop a text or...?" The boys were interrupted by their dorm advisor, who was yelling up and down the halls. "Every student who left campus last night, go straight to the dean's office now! You will be excused from classes!" The both said simultaneously, "fuck."

      At the dean's office, there were a lot of peers and colleagues. Half of them were still high from the drugs the night before, and the other half had faces of shame. And then there were these two idiots, bruised and cut from the bar. The dean walked in, slightly pushing himself through the large crowd in his ample-spaced office. "There is a gang tag on the side of my building! When the perpetrator was caught, he said a student led him here. Which one of you worthless rejects brought this mess to my university?" Everyone looked at each other, back and forth. "Alright," the grey dean continued, "whoever doesn't confess, will ruin the other's lives. If none of you tell me right now I am expelling you all!"

      The students collectively expressed their shock. "Come on! Whoever did this speak the fuck up!" Cas stared blankly out the window behind the agitated man. He was sure no one followed him, but he could be wrong.

      "I did." Gabriel spoke up. "Headmaster, I accidentally led him here. I went to a bar, got into a fight, and he must've followed me back."

      The dean stared at his son in disbelief. The dean spoke stiffly, "everyone leave. I have something to discuss with your peer." Everyone quickly left, but Cas stayed. Gabriel motioned Cas to leave, but he was stubborn. "Cas, leave," the dean commanded sternly. Cas bowed, nudged his friend's arm and left.

      He stood right ousted the office. He couldn't just leave him. He pressed his ear against the wall. The dean's voice was muffled, but he understood what he was saying. "Gabriel I cannot believe you! How dare you ruin the family name!"

      "Dad I didn't even wanna come here! I wanted to leave when I turned eighteen, but you forced me to stay!"

      "Don't you dare speak to me like that! I spent my days caring for you! All I ever did was care for you! You're lucky you're here! Millions of people want to be here, but they're idiots!"

      There was a loud thump, and Gabe yelled from the top of his lungs, "I never wanted to be here! Fuck you!" Cas heard the heavy steps of his ignored friend, and he backed up against the opposite wall. Gabriel flung open the door and slammed it behind him. They stood in front of each other; speechless.

      "Gabe, I'm sorry, I - I didn't know -"

      "Don't apologize. It wasn't your fault. I'll tell you what happened, but at the coffee shop. The last place my dad wants to see me is here."

      The entire car ride was dead silent; even Iron Maiden didn't play. Cas couldn't help but to feel absolutely guilty. His first time out, and he ruins his closest friend's life. Terrific.

      Gabriel smoothly parked the car, and they quietly strolled into Capt'n Coffee. They took a booth in the back by the kitchen. They both got a 'special shot turbo' coffee (which was just black coffee with a shot of hard Tequila). "Here's what happened," Gabriel started, "after you got your ass handed to you by a Gorilla Girl, I tried to talk some sense into their leader, Dawn, and she then cut me. I dipped quick. I tried to find you, but a Latin Leader told me you left. So, naturally, I wanted to save you from yourself, but you were nowhere in sight. When I walked back to campus, I knew a Liberty Son followed me. But you were most important. Because if something happened to you I -" The broke off. Clearly, he cared about Cas more than Cas himself. "I would die. You are my, my only real friend."

      Cas was shocked. Gabe talked with almost everyone, but apparently he was his only friend. Gabriel continued, "people only chill with me because I hang with the gangs and because I'm the dean's son. They use me to get shit for their dorm." Gabe rubbed a tear from his eye before it even left. Cas was appalled. He didn't know what to say. He's never seen this side of Gabriel before. Gabriel looked like a wreck, in a matter of seconds. His eyes became red and puffy, and his hair was worse due to the repetition of push backs Gabe often did when he was upset or agitated. "Cas, buddy, you have to tell me where you were last night. I know you didn't go to the coffee shop, I just know. Tell me; calm me down." Gabriel trembled.

      Cas sighed. "Fine. Last night, I ditched the bar to goto a motel with a guy."

      His tortured friend cracked a smile, "you had a one-night stand? With who?"

      Cas nodded, "yeah. But he said certain things should be left unsaid, so I can't tell you who it was."

      Gabriel laughed, "I already know who. He's my guy. He texted me this morning. This is good, no this is perfect! He can trust you now. He told me if you were trustworthy, you're allowed to get his number." Gabe was relieved. "Unless you don't want it?"

      Cas shrugged. It seemed as if everything was okay now. He wanted to ask Gabe about the future of his attendance, but he forgot for a second, and it should always be like that.

      They went back to the dorm, which seemed grayish and depressing, but that was Harvard. Cas plopped on the bottom bunk and his roommate fell into the black beanbag chair. "You know what we need, buddy?"

      Cas stuffed his tired face into his pillow, and managed to breathe out, "a break from responsibilities and life in general so we can party for a bit?"

      Gabe shrugged, "well, yeah. But I was thinking, we should get ourselves ATM cards, so we can get ourselves a bunch of singles and just hit up strip clubs."

      Cas laughed at the idea. But he didn't say anything. He was thinking about Dean's number. He wasn't sure if it'd be weird or even right. Dean had left him his scent of Hugo Boss on his 'unholy' shirt. Cas got up, took it off and changed, just so he can put the shirt on his pillow and smell the remnants of a great night. The room was quiet; Cas desperately wanted to tell the wayward roommate to give the man's number, but he couldn't speak. However, somehow, Gabe knew, "Cas pull out your phone I'm giving you Dean's number."

      Cas didn't waste a damn second prying his phone from his pants. Gabriel told Cas the number, and the entire time Cas was silent. His mind flaunted the thoughts of another night with Dean.

      Gabriel stared into space, and finally spoke. "How was it?"

      Cas knew exactly what he meant but pretended like he didn't, "what?"

      "Last night with Dean ya jackass. How was it? It was awesome, I know it! I mean, his brother was, woah."

      "I didn't know you slept with his brother."

      "Psh, yeah. Bisexuality, man. It really is a wonder of the world. Why settle for one when you can have it all!"

      Cas smiled, "the night was fine, I guess."

      "You guess? You lost your virginity Cas, to a gang leader! Be proud, bro!"

      "I mean, do you want to hear all the good details or just skip it all?"

      Gabriel took the football from the shelf and twirled it in the air, "tell me before the sex, and right after. I don't need to know what happened in the between."

      Cas told him all the gory details of the night, except the sex part. Gabe nodded occasionally and gave little commentary. When Cas finished, Gabe went blank.

      "Okay, so let me get this straight; you slept with a notorious gang member, who has a serious reputation, and all you have to say is 'it was fine, I guess.' You are the definition of insane!"

      Cas laughed. It was true, and he knew it, but Gabriel saying out loud made him seem like an idiot. Gabe stared at him, with a huge smile. “This is awesome,” the excited twenty-something year old started, “this is - this - are you gonna call him? Text him? Are you guys gonna get married! Holy shit! I need fanfiction on this!”

      Cas sat up and threw a pillow at him, “shut up, we’re not gonna get married! I’m not even sure I wanna text him, or -“

      “Are you kidding me! Text the man! Maybe he liked, no, loved last night! Psh! Text him right now!”

      “Stop talking to me like this is some teen movie, and I like this guy and have his number! God!”

      Gabriel put on this huge, suspicious smile, and stared at Cas. The confused student just looked at him with squared brows, “what?”

      Gabriel started to whisper, “you likey like Dean, don’t you Cas?”

      Cas’ eyes raced around the room, “what! You’re insane!”

      “I fucking called it! This is so cute! You guys are gonna get married and have gang babies and -”

      “Gabe stop! That’s not gonna happen!” The taunting overgrown child started to laugh; he began to stop breathing; as with Cas. When the laughing died down, Gabe’s face became serious. “What’s wrong Gabriel?” There was a long silence, until Gabriel finally spoke up, “who’s gonna be the flower girl?” Cas threw his entire comforter on Gabriel, completely draping him in deep red. The boys laughed a while; and made sure they indulged in it for a while. There was a change in the direction of the winds; this wouldn’t last very long.


	3. Do I Wanna Know?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Do I wanna know_   
>  _If this feeling flows both ways?_   
>  _Sad to see you go_   
>  _Was sort of hoping that you'd stay_   
>  _Baby we both know_   
>  _That the nights were mainly made for saying things that you can't say tomorrow day_

      Cas woke up to the smell of sweat and semen. He was in a dirty motel room, with the same painting he seen that night with Dean. The shower was running, but it was only for a while. The white washed wooden door opened and steam crept onto the huge mirror. Dean came out with a towel wrapped around his hips. Dean turned to Cas; who was staring.  


      "What? Never seen a man shower before?"  


The soft gang member laughed under his breath and filled his mouth with mouthwash. Cas was beyond confused; he could've sworn the Harvard incident was real. Maybe this was a dream? He was desperate to know. The skinny college student got up off the bed and walked towards Dean. He turned Dean to face him, and threw his lips onto his. Dean reciprocated, and held on to Cas' hips tightly. They pried their lips from each other. Their foreheads met, and Dean smirked, "what a way to wake up."  
 

      Cas put his hands on Dean's face and whispered, "shut up."  
 

      Their lips met again, deep and passionate. Dean tightened his grip on Cas' hips, and lifted him on the counter. Dean nipped at the student's neck, grabbing moans from his throat. Cas held on to Dean's back, desperate for his love. Dean's hands ran up his thighs and pulled his pants down. Dean bit Cas' lip as his hand traveled to his crotch. Just as Cas came, he woke up.

      Cas stared at the base of his roommates bed, which was covered in inspirational quotes and doodles of everything. Cas sighed; it was seven-thirty. He had class in an hour. He quietly rolled out of bed, and felt a wet spot. He looked back a his sheets; of course. There was a huge semen spot on his sheets. He dropped his head, pulled the sheets off, put it in a laundry bag, and went to the campus laundromat.

      One of his friends, Ruby, was struggling with the coin machine. Cas tapped her shoulder, "I got this one."  


      "No Cas you got the last hundred ones. God why are you so nice, damn!"  


      They both laughed, until Cas pulled out his embarrassing sheet, "long night, huh Cas?"  


      Ruby laughed, and Cas shrugged, "more like a short-lived dream."  


      Ruby threw her t-shirt at him, "gross. Who with?"  


      "Some guy."  


      "He's obviously not just 'some guy'. Is he cute? Is he in your class? Are you guys gonna get married!"  


      Cas threw Gabriel's boxers at her, "no! Why does everyone think we're gonna get married?"  


      "Because you deserve to be happy." Cas looked at her; she was serious. No one knew of his past except her and Gabe, even then they didn't know everything. Cas shrugged.

      During his class, his cell phone vibrated. He tried to ignore the text, but his curiosity got the best of him. None of his friends texted him during class; maybe it was a wrong number? He slowly slid his phone from his pocket and unlocked it. It was an unknown number, and it said, 'remember me?' Cas squared his eyes, who was this? It was surely not Dean, he didn't have his number. Or maybe Gabriel gave it to him. But Gabe would've asked. He asked the mystery person who he was, to which he responded, 'you fucked up my shirt.' It was Dean. Cas' heart blew up in his chest; so much so his chest actually started to ache. Cas panicked. He didn't know how to respond. All he knew was that him and a certain roommate needed to talk.

      Around noon, Cas searched the campus in it's entirety. He asked a peer if he'd seen Gabe. "Yeah, I seen him leave campus." Crap.  


      Cas jogged, almost, all the way to Captn Coffee, and all be damned, Gabriel was there, hiding behind the counter. "Gabriel!"  


      Gabe bowed his head, "let me explain!"  


      Cas whispered loudly, "what did you do! You gave him my number!"  


      Gabriel laughed, "yes! I did! Talk to the guy!"  


      "No Gabriel, it's weird!"  


      The persistent childish adult rocked Cas' shoulders, "come on, Cas. I think he likes you."  


      "What?"  


      Gabe smirked, "that's why I gave him your number. I think he actually likes you. That, or he thought you were the man version of Aphrodite."  


      Cas sighed, "really?"  


      Gabriel shrugged, "talk to him or I'll talk to him for you."  


      "Please don't."  


      Gabe took Cas' phone from his pocket, "text him now."  


      "Fine." Cas opened up his messages and instead of sending one to Dean, he sent one to Ruby.

     That night, Cas couldn't sleep. School was stressing him out, and the situation with Dean was not making it any better. He unplugged his cursed phone from the wall. He turned it on, the brightness made his eyes water. He looked through his texts, and read the last text from Dean a thousand times.He stared blankly at the screen. Dean. So nonchalant. So cool, so... Dean. He was a one-of-a-kind man. Maybe that's why Cas was so fixated on him.  


     Cas closed his eyes for a second, to think about what he was gonna tell Dean. 'Meet me at the interstate tomorrow at midnight.'  


     Fuck. Cas immediately regretted sending that. He ran his fingers through his hair roughly, and pulled the ends of it. What would Dean say? What would he even think; why on God's green earth would he send something that abrupt to a man he barely knew. A man he knew for a night. Cas hoped Dean wouldn't see it, or just ignore it. Cas dropped his phone on his nightstand, and swallowed sleeping medication.

      'Okay, I'll be there.' Dean texted back around five in the morning. Cas checked his text just as he woke up. He said okay. Cas' heart dropped to the deepest pit of hell. His face turned ruby red, every emotion was fluttering through his head. He wanted to tell Gabe, but he was still sleeping, and Cas had early classes. No hurt in telling him later.

      Later came quicker than Cas expected, Gabriel met him outside of class. "Dude!" The semi-stoned friend's extension on the 'u' made it clear that he knew what was up.  


"Gabriel, no not now."  


      "Dude! I can't even believe - what!" He burst into maniacal laughter. "What did he say! Don't tell me I already know! Jesus have mercy on me!"  


      "Okay, Gabe you need to calm down and we'll talk about this back at the dorm."  


      The boys stumble into the dorm and quickly slam the door. "Castiel goddamn Novak."  


      "Shut up. I don't even know why I sent him that text! And don’t call me Castiel."  


      "Because you like 'all' of him. You're in love and you wont friggin admit it. Goddamn."  


      "I'm not in love with him!"  


      Gabriel shook Cas, "yes you are!"  


      Cas swatted him away, "stop!"  


      Gabriel rolled his eyes. He knew he wouldn't win the argument; if you can't beat 'em, might as well join 'em. "Fine whatever. Whatcha’ gonna do when you meet him tonight?"  


      Cas shrugged, "I dunno."

      There was an awkward silence, which showed how much Gabe knew Cas. Gabriel smirked, "well okay then. Like I said before, talk to him."  
The emphasis on talk proved that Gabriel wanted this more than anything. Cas silently sighed; why was this so hard? It's only just another one-night stand, right? Even he couldn't convince himself that it was just another night of sex. He knew he'd be an idiot if he said he didn't 'want' Dean. And a shitty liar.  


     The boys sat in silence. There was nothing either could say. End of discussion. Tonight was gonna be a good night, and Cas was beyond thrilled. Something about Dean pulled Cas into the dark part of the world; the part no one dared to mention. It was the way Dean spoke, so nonchalant and worry-free. The way he walked, so smooth and flawless. Even the way he smelled, it was so confusing. He reeked of booze and Hugo Boss. It was beautiful. And Cas was going to experience that once again. He lied on the mini sofa, and patiently waited to meet the one he'd rather spend every second with.


	4. Glory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _A deal with the devil is a deal with me_   
> _That deal is forever; as long as you breathe_   
> _Go forth child; make us proud_   
> _Honor is yours; underground_

      Eleven PM came, and Gabriel stayed up just to prepare Cas. He threw on a cliché Harvard University hoodie he got when he went to orientation. Gabriel ruffled Cas' hair, "change your hair dude. You look like goddamn Pee-Wee Sherman." Cas shook his head and allowed Gabe to 'fix him'. Cas looked in the mirror, and took it all in. He wanted to remember how he looked before his meeting with Dean. He sighed. He didn't ruin the first night, so he might just ruin this one; because he was confident. He misted Armani Exchange, and made sure it wasn't too much. This was it; his first actual date. Gabe wished him luck, patted his shoulder and drove him.

      Almost an hour later, they arrived. Cas stayed in the car; he froze. Gabriel turned Kansas down, "come on, Cas you got this."

      "Do I?"

      "Yes! Now get out the damn car and run romantically to your lover." Cas looked at Gabe with a raised brow, and got out.

      The icy November wind stung Cas' face, reddening it. The dry air wreaked havoc on his pale skin. The hoodie was garbage. He walked pass the toll, which got him yelled at, and stood for about five minutes.

      The sleek Impala drove up, leading Indians and Harleys like the mothership. Dean parked right in front of Cas, who was shivering. "Couldn't we be discreet, Dean?"

      Dean laughed, "they're only here to accompany me. Once we get back to the motel, they'll be gone."

      Cas peeped inside the Impala's windshield. The car was empty. Sam was on the back of the only slick, metallic-grey Harley Davidson, which rode close to the Impala. He really didn't seem to happy. Dean motioned towards the classic vehicle, "you coming?" Cas looked back to Gabriel, who waved and drove back. Cas smirked, and got into the beauty, and they were off.

      Metallica played quietly, and Dean kept his hand on Cas' thigh. "So, Cas. Did you actually text me, or was it Gabe?" Cas' face got ruby red with embarrassment. Dean laughed, "it was unexpected, but not unwanted."

      Cas smiled, "you know you're the only one I have ever been so -"

      "So imprudent?"

      "Oh, yeah."

      Dean laughed loudly, "you are definitely a one of a kind kid, you know that?"

      Cas shrugged, "you are the most worry free guy, you know that?"

      "Worry free? You think that of me? Shit."

      Cas laughed and scooted closer to Dean, and Dean took his hand off Cas' thigh and wrapped it around his hip. Cas was tempted to put his head on his shoulder, but he shot that down that real quick. The rest of the way was just them talking about nonsense; which Judas Priest album was best, and how does Ozzy sing if he could barely speak.

      They got to the motel in Dutchess, New York, and Dean's crew literally dispersed in seconds, each claiming their own room. "Stay in the car, Cas." Dean got out and spoke to Sam, who looked less than happy. Sam quickly glanced at Cas and frowned. Cas dropped his head against the back of the seat. He wanted to know what Sam was saying, but he didn't hear a damn thing. Dean shoved his brother, and Sam shoved him even further, "just go Dean!" Dean gave Sam a dirty look and walked back to the car.

      "Alright Cas, lets go."

      Cas wanted to ask what happened, but he thought it was best to keep quiet. "Where are you taking me Dean?"

      "Well, it's cold as fuck at the motel, so I'm taking you to, a place."

      "A place? What is this place?"

      "Never ask what, ask why."

      "Okay," Cas nodded, "why?"

      "Because it's cold as fuck were you not listening to me?" They laughed, and within minutes, they reached a warehouse.

      Dean patted Cas' thigh, "alright, you say nothin', you touch nothin', you don't do nothin', understand? This is serious shit."

      "Yeah, okay." Cas immediately thought about all the bad scenarios. _What in God’s name is this man getting me into?_ Dean smiled and they got out the car.

      Dean kicked the large metal warehouse door, "it's Dean open up!" A little hole opened up and eyes peered at them. The doors dragged open and a huge, shirtless, hairy guy, with a toothless smile, greeted Dean and Cas. They walked in and really quick, Cas noticed what it was; a drug lab.

      There were shirtless women cooking meth and long-haired hippies bagging marijuana. It was dark, other than the tables with small lamps. The air reeked of everything, sweat, semen, eyeshadow, and the heat made it worse. Dean led Cas into a room in the back, which turned out to be an office. Dean pulled a smug smirk, "warm right?"

      Cas looked at him worriedly. "This place is huge, what if we get caught?"

      "Hah! This thing's been here for ten years and counting, I think no one even suspects this place. Don't worry though, before the break of dawn my boys pack up and leave. Now wait here. I'll be back."

      Cas took off his hoodie and nodded. He stood in the middle of the office and looked around. It was nothing but a room with a large one-way window, a big chair and a huge desk. There were a few books packed at the side, which included books by Tolkien. Cas smiled; Dean was a dork. There was a makeshift shelf on the wall behind the desk. It only held a few jars of small preserved animals. Cas sat on the large chair, which was filled with cotton. It was fluffy and comfortable, probably the only welcoming thing in the entire warehouse, besides the mammoth by the door. Dean walked in with a bag of marijuana, "sit on the floor with me."

      Cas curiously walked towards Dean, but refused to sit after he seen what he was doing. Dean ripped open the bag and rolled a blunt professionally. "I can't smoke Dean."

      Dean squared his brows, "why?"

      Cas' eyes roamed the room, "it was a long time ago, but I just can't."

      Dean shrugged, "alright. Sorry." He put the blunt back in the bag and stood up. "We don't have to do drugs." Dean slowly moved closer to Cas, who walked backwards and stepped past the table. Dean smiled, "you're so shy."

      “You’re so intimidating.” Dean smiled, and Cas bowed his head. Dean stood unbelievably close to Cas, making him turn red. 

      Dean whispered, "there's a million things we could do." Cas fell back into the chair, and Dean slowly made his way to Cas' lips. Cas returned the kiss, and almost instantly Dean was straddling the young college student. Dean held onto Cas' shoulders as Cas ran his hands up Dean's shirt. The eager gang leader grabbed the hem of his shirt and lifted it over his head, and it flung across the room. Dean smothered Cas' neck in drool and leftover whiskey. Dean pushed his forehead against his, and bit Cas' lips hard; so hard it began to bleed. Dean slyly smirks, "oops." Cas smiled, and pushed his lips onto his. Dean reciprocated, and kissed his way down his neck, eliciting moans from Cas' throat. It was bliss, until gun shots filled the air.

      Dean turned his head, got his pistol, and ran for the door, "jump out the window!"

      "No! Not unless you come with me!"

      Dean looked at him worriedly, "just go I'll catch up!"

      The adrenaline filled student stared into space, having a flashback of his childhood.

      "Cas what are you doing! Go!"

      Cas snapped out of his trance, and spoke calmly, "I'm not leaving you Dean."

      Dean sighed; he knew he wouldn't win. The bullets stopped, and he motioned for Cas to hide under the table. When Cas was out of sight, the leader took a deep breath and opened the door. He remained behind the wall and spoke loudly, "what do you want?"

      The man laughed amongst himself, "didn't think you'd be here, Dean. You're supposed to be, well, not here."

      Dean recognized the voice instantly, his eyed widened; Balthazar. He worked for Don Lucifer, who had massive power over the gangs. "What does he want, Balthazar?"

      The thug spoke softly with his heavy accent, "oh, nothing more than your warehouse, sweet pea. Your bribe is up!"

      "Well, tell Don he can shove it all up his ass, if it's not already there. Doesn't Don have enough land?"

      "He never has enough, Danice, and you know that." Balthazar slowly walked toward the office, sawed-off ready.

      "I already gave you a goddamn warehouse, right off that fucking river. Another two, also! Go shit on somebody else!"

      The mafia man laughed deeply, "oh, no no honey. That's not how it works. You see, you either cooperate, or you and your filthy lowlife trash gang eat bullets. Capisce? Life isn't fair love! You just gotta suck it up, grow a pair, and fucking deal with it!" He began shooting, and Dean quickly slammed the door. Bullets ricocheted and forced holes through the metal door. Dean dropped his gun and fell to his knees. Cas seen him drop from under the desk, "Dean!"

      He crawled out to aid the leader. "Cas," Dean managed to say. "Get, back."

      "D-Dean you're bleeding!" Blood rushed out of his shoulder down his arm in rivers, "Dean you need to get to the hospital."

      Balthazar kicked at the door, and called out to his partner, "there's another one in there!"

      "Kill 'em both!"

      The lovers stared at each other in horror and slowly stood up. Balthazar kicked down the door; Cas was halfway out the window. The determined thug shot at Cas, but missed. "Shit."

      His partner walked in, "You missed? Boss is gonna have our heads."

      “Not if he knows where he is.”

      Dean stumbled to the Impala. Cas wrapped his hoodie sleeve around his shoulder and arm, and helped him in the passenger side. "Cas, I need to drive, I know -"

      "Dean shut up. I'm driving you to a hospital."

      "No! There's a woman, address in the glove box."

      Cas revved up the engine and got the address from the glovebox, "it's okay Dean. It's gonna be okay." The panicking pacifist sped down the highway and into the dark, guided by the moon. Cas looked at the suffering man and back at the road, and he noticed him going down. "Dean?" The wounded soldier of violence slowly put his head on the window and closed his eyes.

      "Dean!"


	5. Tears Don't Fall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _There's always something different going wrong  
>  The path I walk's in the wrong direction  
> There's always someone fucking hanging on  
> Can anybody help me make things better?_

      Two hours of driving and putting pressure on the bullet wound ended when Cas reached the apartment Dean told him to go to.

      The apartment complex was small and simple; just a rectangle building lined with fire escapes. Cas reread the paper, 'apartment 6B'. Second floor.

      Cas looked at Dean, who was still passed out and pale. He tied a ball of cloth to the wound and lifted him out of the Impala. His strength proved it's absence. He sat him up onto the car, and quickly thought how he was supposed to get this man to the second floor.     

      "Fuck it." He carried him in his arms and practically sprinted in the apartment.

      The landlord was a fat, tattooed woman with masculine features. Her cigarette stained her teeth with every puff, and her cheeks were caved in as well. Her plain brown eyes pierced Cas' angelic eyes, "doctor's second floor. Who shot 'im?"

      "No idea, but he had an accent, both of them did."

      She shook her head and smiled.

     Cas looked at her, then ran for the steps. He stumbled as he tried desperately to carry the unbelievably heavy man up the stairs. A red haired woman with a Star Wars shirt came jumping down, ignorant of the bleeding leader. She stopped in front, "is that Dean?"

      Cas' sweaty face looked up at her, "you the doctor?"

      "Bring him up. I'll help you."

      She carried Dean like he weighed nothing. She was a professional; she’d done this many times before.

      They reached the apartment, and the fiery woman nonchalantly opened the door. The walls inside were draped in posters and figures and tiny vinyl dolls. It was a dork HQ, and Cas felt like he was home. His room in his godparent's house was the same; covered in television props and posters and comic books. It made him panic somewhat less about the situation.

      "Put him on the table." She pulled up at the table, and it grew a few feet. It instantly became an operating table. She took a huge pair of scissors and cut open his Metallica shirt and took out her medical instruments. She took thin tweezers and carefully put it in his wound. Cas' eyes widened huge and his stomach got weak. "Go sit down, you're looking like a Cullen."

      Cas rubbed his temples. He walked toward the chair, but his knees and his back gave out and he collapsed onto a beanbag chair. He couldn't believe the fact that she was so impassive.

      When she pulled out a chunk of warm metal from his shoulder, Dean jumped and the wound began to furiously bleed. "Dean calm down! You're gonna bleed out and die painfully and slowly!"

      "What!" Dean tried to get off the table, but the red headed woman pushed him down. 

      "You! Get over here!"

      Cas slowly got up and stood next to the panicking, bleeding man. "What's your name?"

      "C-Cas."

      "Great, now kiss him!"

      "What?"

      She glared at him, "seriously? Kiss the man!"

      Cas panicked and just fearlessly kissed him. It was hard and passionate; their teeth clashed. He felt Dean's heart slow down. Dean tried to actuate the kiss, but only got so far. The doctor injected him with a substance and almost instantly he fell back onto the table; motionless.

      "Thank you Cas. It'll take a few minutes so just wait. I'll be quick I swear."

      About twenty minutes passed, and she began sewing up the wound. "So, how did you two meet?" The emphasis on the _so_ made him uneasy.      

      Cas looked up at her in confusion and she flashed a toothy grin. "What?"

      "I mean, he told me you guys met at like, the bar, but what happened? Did you make the first move or did he make the first move? Was it love at first sight? I bet it was like some Twilight bullshit."

      "Wh-what? You know, I don't even know your first name. I'm not gonna talk to you about this if-"

      "Charlie. The name's Charlie. Charlie Skywalker. Long and brutally bloody story on how I got my last name to be Skywalker, but it's a nickname. I have a friend whose name is Frodo you know. Also, there's a thing about Lord of the Rings and-"

      She went on and on to talk about behind the scenes and what technology they used to make Smaug, and Cas zoned out. Usually he'd love someone to talk to about things of that nature. But it was five am, Dean was shot in the shoulder, and he had classes in a few hours. This was not the time for that. He thought about Gabriel for a second, and he whipped out his phone to text him. However, Gabe sent one hours ago, ‘make this a night to remember.’ Cas shook his head, this was definitely going to be a night he was never going to forget.

      Charlie duct tapped a gauze patch over the wound. She slapped it, and Dean got up immediately. "Jesus, Charlie! The hell you doing!"

      "Watch that mouth. I have to go asap. I'm watching the LOTR trilogy at a friend's house. Deuces bitches." She skipped out, leaving the boys alone.

      Cas looked at Dean with sad eyes, but Dean couldn't bear to look at him. He looked out the window, "I shouldn't have brought you there. Sam knew something would go wrong and Sam told me not to take you there."

      "Dean it's okay."

      "Okay? Cas you could've gotten killed!"

      Cas sat next to him, "Dean I'm fine. You're fine, that's all."

      "That's all! No Cas! You were almost killed! They could find you and finish the goddamn job! It's not fine, Cas." Dean took a deep breath and pushed his forehead against Cas', "I can't do this to you. I need to take you back."

      The student was speechless. He didn't know what to say, but even if he tried to persuade Dean to let him stay, he wouldn't budge. Cas sighed, "but what if you figure this out? Then can I come back?"

      "I don't know. We'll see."

      The boys went downstairs into the lobby, where the Impala's keys were given to the rightful owner. The masculine woman shook her head and smirked as they left the building. They got into the classic ride and headed for Massachusetts.

      For two hours, the car's atmosphere was clouded with scattered questions and thoughts. Ever so often, Cas would think about making a move; kiss Dean's neck, touch him where he wants to be touched, even just put his head on his shoulder. Anything just so he can feel Dean. He was head-over-heels for him, but dare he tell the man he met a few days ago? Never.

      Cas decided to do it. He scooted closer to the door, and put his head on Dean's lap. Dean smiled as he shifted his wounded, stiff arm. Dean traced Cas' jaw with his finger, while Cas swirled his finger on the driver's chest. He's never felt so safe in his life. For the first time, he knew what everybody else was talking about; love.

      Dean lightly pulled at the passionate man's ear, "we need to be apart."

      Cas halted his hand, "Dean it was nothing."

     "No, it definitely was something. Cas you could've died."

      Cas shrugged in his lap, "that's my fault then."

      Dean shook his head. He was dumbfounded. "I'll drop you off at Harvard, which by the way I suggest you wash the hoodie, and that's it."

      "That's it?"

      The driver nodded, "that's it. We'll still keep in contact, but no more than texting-"

      "And sexting?" Cas painted a mile-wide smile, and Dean laughed under his breath.

      "Do you have classes today?"

      Cas stared puzzlingly at the driver, "why?"

      "Because you need to stay in school."

      "What?"

      "Why. And because it's important. All I want you to do is focus."

      "What about Winter break?"

      Dean put his hand over Cas, mouth, "you talk too much."

      Cas pulled his hand down to his chest and sweetly smiled, "only a few more questions."

      He rolled his eyes, "fine. What about Winter break?"

      "Come over. Take me somewhere."

      "New York? I might be able to take you to see that giant ass tree. Eat an expensive pretzel."

      Cas laughed, "that'd be great."

      They reached the campus at eight-thirty in the morning. Cas stared out the window; he didn't want to be back. It was worth nothing to him. "Something wrong Cas?"

      He shrugged, "nothing. I just don't want to wait for you."

      "Keep texting and you don't have to." Dean pulled him in real close and planted a heavy kiss on his cheek; twice.

      Cas turned to face him, and pushed his lips onto Dean's, to which he responded, "have fun."


	6. Miss Missing You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Now you’re gone, but I’ll be okay  
>  Your hot whiskey eyes have fanned the flames  
> Maybe I’ll burn a little brighter tonight  
> Let the fire breathe me back to life_

      Days passed, then weeks. Continuously, back and forth, texts and pictures sent between the boys. Every night they'd say goodnight, and every morning they'd say everything. Everything except what Dean had been up to. And with every word, Cas was desperate to know what he was doing. But the secretive criminal changed the topic when it came up.

      Cas was lying in his bed when Gabriel came in, messy-haired. "The hell happened to you, Gabe?"

      He took a foil-covered beer from the Hobbit fridge and laughed. "Sam Winchester, that's what happened!"

      Cas' face dropped. Dean told him they were settling business in Tennessee. "Sam Winchester?"

      "Yeah," he plopped on the beanbag chair, "didn't Dean tell you?"

      "No."

      There was a moment of extensive awkwardness. Neither knew what to say, so Gabe just blurted out, "I'm sure he meant to tell you. Or you know," he stood up, "he's very keen on education, so he doesn't wanna distract you."

      Cas sat up, "yeah. You're right. He did say something along the lines of that the last time we met."

      "See? Now I think we should hit bar. Get a drink, maybe a date?"

      He raised his brow. Cas got his faintly bloody hoodie (the stains were bitches) and they left.

      They rode up, and the first thing Cas seen was the Impala in the center of a mixture Harley’s and Indians. His heart pounded for some reason; it should be Dean who should be nervous. The tree-like man waived them in, and the bar was calm. There were a few rowdy groups, but everyone acted as if they didn't want to murder each other.

      Cas looked around for the suspected fabricator. He sat at the bar, the same stool he met Dean in. The waitress, hair high, asked with a red painted smile, "what can I get for ya?"

      "Hard Tequila, hold the ice."

      Her smile grew wide, "you already know you have to have a full glass of ice."

      Cas shrugged and the busty blonde filled him a glass. He sighed, until some random guy pushed him. At first he ignored it; the last thing he needed was a fucking bar fight. It happened twice, then three times, then four and five. He spun around, and a black figure slid into the stool beside him. "The hell's wrong with you?"

      The man turned is head, "you fucked up my shirt." Dean flashed his signature smile and Cas was beside himself.

      "Dean! Why the hell-"

      Cas stared at the massive throbbing purple eye on the man he loved. "What the hell is that!"

      He tugged at the collar of his crisp leather jacket, "it's a leather jacket. I borrowed it and-"

      "Shut up, Dean. Your goddamn eye! Why is-"

      "It's nothing personal you know."

      Cas lightly touched the throbbing eye, which made Dean flinch and swat his hand away. "Dean who did that to you?"

      "You need to calm the hell down."

      "Calm down? Dean your eye can't even open!"

      "It's cool though. All the ladies like it, little do they know though." He nudged at Cas' shoulder and the pissed student stared at him in disbelief. "Cas it ain't a big deal. It's just a black eye."

      Cas knew he wasn't going to get a real answer from Dean, so he asked a question that burned his brain. "Why didn't you tell me you were here?"

      He smiled, "you need to focus at school. Plus, I didn't want 'this' to happen."

      "You're an ass."

      He hugged Cas from the side, "and that's fine."

      Cas stared at him. He had a thousand questions but decided to keep them to himself to avoid a scene. He was happy he was back, but pissed he didn’t even have the audacity to tell him. Dean, however, stared behind Cas for a quick second, before giving a disgusted look. Cas turned around, and he seen Gabriel sitting on the bar counter. Between his legs was Sam, who was grabbing the student's thighs and smothering the stoner’s mouth. Sam moved to his neck, which made Gabe arch his back and entwine his hand in his brown locks, and Cas quickly turned back to Dean, "well that's gonna stay with me for a long time."

      Dean's laugh was deep and quiet, which was one of many things Cas loved about him, "wanna bounce? We can talk in the Impala." Cas nodded and they endured the icy winds to get into the somewhat warm Impala. They got here not too long ago, which made the Gabriel and Sam ‘incident’ confusing.

      They sat in silence for a while until Dean decided to tell him what was up. "The black eye came from Sam, my brother."

      "What happened?"

      He smiled, "I kind of deserved it though. That day I dropped you back at Harvard, you know after Charlie patched me up, me and Sam got into this argument. He didn't think we should, you know, be together. I obviously opposed and said something along the lines of 'you brought that useless dumbass Gabriel to me' and he socked my right in the eye. He's passionate I swear he is. You just gotta, you know-"

      "Push him?"

      "Exactly." Dean nodded and stared out into the slushy highway. He was obviously hurt personally. It was his brother. Usually his brother was always by his side, but this time it was serious, and highly unlikely, but Cas decided not to question it.       

"It's gonna be okay, Dean, you know why? Because you have me, and I'll always be by your side." He turned Dean's face towards him with a finger to the jaw and gave him a deep kiss.

      Dean smiled against his lips. "I know," he whispered. He slid his hand behind Cas' head and pulled him in for another kiss.

      Kiss after kiss, rub after touch, their breathing became deeper and their moans louder. Dean pulled his lover's legs up and flawlessly glided on top of him

      Cas wrapped his legs around Dean's waist, slowly grinding him against his body. Dean bit the scarred lip and pulled at it. Cas took off Dean's jacket and ran his hands up his shirt. His fingertips grazed over his ribs and the rousingly heavy man flinched and quickly got off of him.

      He sat in the driver's seat silently until Cas asked him what was wrong. "Nothing, it's just cold. I'm cold. Lets go back inside and-"

      Cas grabbed his hands and shoved him against the door, "Dean I swear to god if you give me one more bullshit lie."

      Dean's eyes were widened with astonishment, "Cas I-I don't know what-"

      Cas pushed on Dean's ribs and the broken man screamed in pain. "What is this Dean! I'll check myself and you don't want that!"

      Dean shoved Cas to the other end of the classic ride, "fine."

      He slowly took off his shirt and underneath was horrible. His entire ribcage was entirely bruised. There was an entry wound of a blade right in the middle; deep pink, almost red. A fresh knife wound.

      Cas' mouth dropped in horror and he pushed himself against the window. He was completely beat up, cut up and in terrible shape. "Dean!"

      "Cas it's fine!"

      "Who did this to you!"

      "Cas!"

      "Dean! Tell me! I'll help you!"

      "You can't!"

      "I'll try! I'm gonna be by your side! Tell me who did this!" Cas choked up on the last part. He loved Dean so much, seeing him in this terrible condition made him want to cry.

      Dean stared at Cas. The desperation and love from this kid made Dean get misty eyed. He held back his emotions, "Cas you can't touch him. He's protected."

      "The Don, right? Dean I swear I'll-"

      "You can't do a damn thing, Cas. He's too powerful. I can't run either, unless I want you or Sam to be executed."

      Cas shook his head, "Dean don't worry." Cas moved in close to Dean, and cupped the distressed, beat up man’s purple cheek, "it's always gonna be okay, Dean."

      Dean took his hand from his cheek and brought it to his mouth, where he planted a few kisses.

      Their session was interrupted when Sam knocked on the window, "we have to go!"

      Dean looked at Cas, "get in the back now."

      Without hesitation, he slid his way into the backseat, making sure his dirty-slush boots didn't touch the interior. Sam got in the passenger side, and seconds later, their entire crew hopped on their bikes and drove off.

      Cas looked out the rear window. He seen an entire gang of bikes in their rightful places; dark bikes closer to the car. The guys were stone-faced and covered in tattoos. Some were in vests, but it was all leather. It was classic biker gang attire. They swerved a few times, but kept their position.

      "Why are we leaving so quick for Sam?"

      "Because Benny said Don is looking for us." Sam looked in the rearview mirror stealthily, "why are we taking him with us? He is of no use to us."

      "Not entirely. Don wants him too-"

      "So? Don wants everyone dead."

      "Including Gabriel?"

      Sam looked a Dean maliciously, "not yet. But he will."

      Cas intervened, "why! What did he do!"

      Sam rolled his eyes at him, “he did stuff. And you don't see me taking him along with us. It's irrational, Dean and you know it."

      It became unbearably quite. For hours, classic rock and metal filled the car's atmosphere. Cas lost track of time and place, but kept in contact with Gabriel. Back and forth they texted each other about the situation.

      They finally passed a sign, the only without any numbers or pictures of cheap burger joints; New York. Within minutes, it started to snow. Slush immediately covered the sparse highway. Cas leaned his head agains the window; he's still in a hoodie. But he wasn't the only one. Dean was in a cheap leather jacket and Sam was in long sleeves. They didn't seem to panic, or even notice. Dean pulled into a rest area, and they strolled into the building.

      When Cas entered, a gust of cinnamon bun air hit his nose like an airbag. The Wayward Sons split up, some went to the bathroom, others went to the gas station. They stocked up on booze and chips and the newest issue of Playboy. Dean pulled Cas into a booth, "you hungry?" Cas shrugged, even though the man was starving. Dean left, and returned minutes later.

      He put a bag of Carl Jr.'s on the table and Cas mindlessly attacked the cheeseburgers. Dean smiled from behind the Corona, and suddenly began to look for his brother. He became calm when he seen him in the corner on the phone. He turned his attention back to Cas, "you need a coat."

      The hungry student looked up from the massacre and responded with a mouth full of food, "I do."

      Dean laughed, "there's a few in the trunk. When the boys get their's you can get your own."

      "Are we going to New York City?"

      Dean almost choked on his beer, "no, why would we. We're headed down South. Probably New Orleans or even as far as Kansas. I've been meaning to go back there."

      He forgot their plans, but Cas didn't make a fit. He was busy running from the Don, so of course he'd forget. Cas shrugged, "cool."

      Dean stared at the student before finally speaking up, "when's your Winter break?"

      "In two weeks."

      "So you have classes tomorrow and the next day for two weeks?"

      Cas hesitated. He knew Dean was very strict with his studies, for whatever reason, so admitting this would put a bump in the road. "Yeah."

      Dean sighed loudly. "It's amazing, you know."    

      "What is?"

      Dean smirked, "one night. Just one night changed everything."

      "Well, to be fair, that night was amazing."

      Dean laughed. He looked up at Cas, who was finishing up. "You're an interesting character, Cas. Just as interesting as your name. What does it mean?"

      Cas felt his face turn red. He was inarticulate. Dean laughed at the poor man's redness, "you're not gonna pass out are you?"

      Cas shook his head, and their eye contact broke when Sam came up to the table, "Cas I need to talk to you, privately."

      Cas looked at Dean worriedly, "it must be disgustingly important because I'm excluded."

      "Yes, Dean, it is. Cas, come."

      Cas shrugged and followed the young Winchester outside. "Look, I like you, and Dean likes you, a lot. And it'd be a shame if something were to happen to you. Believe me, Gabriel probably already told you about us. And I totally understand why Dean brought you here, even though it was probably a stupid-ass decision, but that’s Dean’s nature."

      Cas squared his eyes and slowly nodded, “okay?”

      "Right. Do you have anyone you can go to, like your brother or sister or someone other than Gabriel? All I want is for you to be safe because the last thing I need is for Dean to blame himself and do something stupid."

      Cas knew exactly what he was getting at, and he totally agreed, but Dean wouldn't dare leave him alone anywhere until Don was dead. Before he could speak, Sam shifted him lightly and ran to a familiar car. Sam got in front of the Cadillac, "what the hell are you doing here!" 


	7. You and Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _All of the things that I want to say_   
> _Just aren't coming out right_   
> _I'm tripping on words, you got my head spinning_   
> _I don't know where to go from here_

      Out of the Cadillac came Gabriel. He had a smug smile stretched on his mouth, and Sam went ballistic. He yelled and cursed, until Gabe pulled Sam in by the waist and kissed him politely. Sam reciprocated and held onto Gabriel's hips. "I told you to fall back," he whispered.

      "I told you not to come back, and now we're here."

      They kissed again; the world didn't exist to them. Their problems faded for a moment, then reality kicked in. Gabriel took his attention to Cas and smiled wide, "there you are, Cas! Ride Dean over here or the Impala?" They laughed and walked back inside.

      Dean fist-bumped the chilled student, oblivious to the predicament. The rest of the Sons came back and they were on their way.

      Cas rode in the passenger seat while Sam nipped at Gabriel's jaw and neck in the backseat. Cas had never seen that side of Sam. He never knew a man like Sam could be so - cute. The younger Winchester always seemed so serious and down to earth. But now he was head over heels; a totally different man. Cas was smart enough to know that Sam can love, but not like this. This was calm and passionate, sweet love that comes around once in a lifetime; twice in this case. Sam had his arm around his lover's shoulders. With every kiss, Sam left a trace of a smile on his jaw.

      Cas and Dean, on the other hand, were a lot less intimate around people. Cas was half asleep on Dean's shoulder. The driver's finger lingered on his shoulder, throwing him deeper into sleepiness. After a half hour of dazing in and out of sleep, Cas gave in and slept heavily, making his shoulder sore.

      It was like time travel; they reached a random motel in an instant. Dean slowly woke him up, "we're here Cas."

      Cas got up sluggishly and rubbed his eyes. His vision was blurry and his mind was clouded with everything and nothing. Dean tugged him to the driver's side and the December air pinched Cas' exposed stomach. He slowly rose and Dean laughed, "Jesus, are you always like this?"

      Cas lazily smirked, "I haven't had a good night's sleep in a long time."

      Dean smiled and gave him a kiss. "Come on, I'm freezing my nuts off."

      Cas laughed, stood up, and fell into Dean's arms, "Dean I'm lazy."

      The leader laughed, "fine. Stay in the car. I'll be in room-"

      "Dean it's cold!" Dean lifted Cas waist-to-waist and took him to the motel room. He kicked open the door and plopped Cas on the bed. The student smirked as he covered his face with his arms. Dean cracked open a bottle of whiskey and sat on the bed next to the sleepy student. He passed the bottle and Cas drowsily sipped it, scrunching his face to the elegant distaste of hard liquor. "Woah."

      Dean laughed under his breath and took the bottle back. Cas turned on his side to face the alcoholic, "Dean, are you gonna be okay?"

      The troubled man lied down and faced the student, "of course I am. Why do you ask?"

      "You got the hell beaten out of you."

      He shrugged, "not all of hell."  

      Cas forced a smile. He stared into his eyes and thought about everything that happened within the past two months. It seemed so surreal; so unbelievable. He pushed a kiss on Dean's forehead, then on his mouth. They shared this moment, until the lovebirds next door started to bang the bed against the wall. Dean laughed, "that's my brother. Wanna go to that city I promised now?"

      "Thought you didn't wanna go there."

      Dean played with Cas' buttons, "Sam doesn't wanna go there. Which is why I told Gabe to tag along."

      Cas put his hands over his, "well let's go then."

      Dean groaned as he stood up, and he pulled he scrawny, lazy student from the bed. When he got to his feet, he was met by Dean's hungry mouth. Cas' equally eager mouth attacked his, and their tongues met. Dean put his hands in his lover's back pockets and pulled him in close. The noisy neighbors only got louder; they both smiled on each other's lips, "let's go."

      The traffic to the city was unbearable. Dean rested his head on the wheel a few times, and each time Cas bopped his nose. Hours passed; and hundreds of texts from a worried brother blew up Dean's phone; and a bit too much from Gabriel to Cas. It was almost pitch black outside.

      Dean parked the Impala by St. Patrick's Cathedral, and they walked through the snow to Rockefeller Center. They walked close, side by side and holding hands. Their breath smoked in front of them and so often chills raced on their skin. Within minutes, huge crowds of colorful tourists blocked them. The tree was standing prideful, lit with bits of Christmas color. Cas' jaw dropped; it was so much different in real life than in the movies. The giant ornaments shimmered in the dark sky. Lights and sounds filled Cas' ears to the core. His heart deeply pounded in his body, until Dean gripped his hand tightly. His heart exploded in his chest and he worried that Dean would feel his heart beat. He took in the sights and sounds, and the aroma of pretzels and cart food. It was amazing, and Dean was just as awe-struck.

      He snaked his hand down to Cas' hip and pulled him in. He nuzzled his neck, which sent goosebumps down Cas' back. His scruff scratched his neck and he grew weak in the knees. The Wayward Son whispered in his ear, "you happy now?"

      Cas smirked to the kisses and nips at his ear, "of course."

      "Come on, it's late. Let's go."

      “But I wanna do just one thing.”

      Dean looked at him perplexed, “what?”

      Christmas music filled the air and Cas noticed couples slow dancing in the piercing weather. He took Dean’s hand and led him to the front of the tree, “Cas where are we going?”

      The excited student turned and smiled, “why.”

      He rolled his eyes but smiled wide, “why?”

      Cas ignored him and continued dragging him towards the tree. The music was louder, much louder, and the boys faced each other. Cas smiled as he put Dean’s hands on his waist and dropped his arms on his shoulders, “dance with me Dean.”

      Dean uneasily smiled, “I don’t know how.”

      “Me either, but it’s okay. We can look like jackasses together.”

      Dean laughed and stared into Cas’ eyes. He gripped his waist and pulled him in close, their broad chests against each other’s. Simultaneously, they lowered their foreheads until they lightly bumped each other. The boys smiled; this was perfect. They started to sway without rhythm, but it didn’t matter. It was silent, only the noise of their hearts were heard. The music disappeared, the people were invisible; Cas could’ve sworn they were the only two people in the goddam city. They were blind in love and deaf in lust; they were romantic messes. Their noses touched often, and each nose-bump became a smirk. Their eyes were closed but they seen each other clear as day. They heard nothing, seen nothing, felt nothing but each other, and that was perfectly fine. If it hadn’t been for that fat child trying to pry them from each other’s arms, they would’ve been there forever. An hour and a half passed, but it only seemed like an eternity. After a few pokes by the child, Dean put his hand on the kid’s face and moved him to the side. He looked at Cas, who was laughing, and nonchalantly said, “I think it’s time for us to go.”

      They were on the highway, which was filled with cars and trucks. It was pitch-black outside, a little past midnight. Dean easily drove the mothership off the highway and onto the backroad when the highway got messier.

      Cas looked over at Dean a few times, but he didn't notice, or so Cas thought. Dean looked back at the passenger, "what?"

      "I - uh, I feel sick."

      Dean looked at the student worryingly, "want me to pull over?"

      He hesitated, "yeah. If you're down."

      Dean pulled the car over and parked it on gravel. Cas sat in the car and stared blankly; thinking. Dean raised a brow, "if you're gonna throw up open the door. This is an old car, the interior will be a bitch to replace."

      Cas looked at Dean, silently. "Cas?"

      Cas attacked the confused man's lips, and he went along with it. The eager driver turned off the ignition, grabbed onto his thigh and pulled him on top of him. 

      Cas straddled Dean and roughly and forcefully kissed and bit his lips. He wrapped his hands around the driver's neck and began to grind him. Dean moaned against his lips. Cas felt him get hard almost instantly. Their lips broke apart, and Dean was baffled, "woah."

      Cas evilly smirked and shoved his back onto the seat. Cas was on top of Dean, which rendered the bottoming man speechless. Dean, with every remaining ounce of strength, pushed himself away from the door and lied down completely. Cas stared at him for a moment, and slowly began to kiss him again.

      Their kisses were slow and hard; teeth clashed. The temperature in the car started dropping, but the lovers were so blind in love they didn't notice. Cas leaned his forehead against Dean's and heavily breathed on his mouth. With ease, both of their shirts came off and were thrown in the back. Cas sucked his neck, leaving hickeys and red marks. He trailed his kisses down Dean's neck, eliciting deep moans from his whiskey-tainted throat. Cas paused and stared at him; totally enamored. Dean stared back and said nothing.

      Cas' heart beat heavily in his bare frail chest. He found his words, but should he risk losing everything he thought was there? The Wayward Son took him to see a giant ass tree in Manhattan, he nuzzled his neck, he brought him along without hesitation. Was all of this not for love? For what? Cas decided to throw himself past the knot of the relationship.

      He held Dean's face, his scruff tickling the palms of his hands, "Dean?"

      "Yeah?"

      He paused. The exhilaration forced him out of breath, so he heavily whispered, "I need you."

      Dean managed to pull and release a smirk. The seemingly everlasting silence burned Cas' chest. Dean lost his fingers in the topping man's hair, "I need you more."

      Cas' heart bursted and he dropped his lips onto his'. They kissed forever. Dean pulled Cas' hair and gripped his back. His knees erected on either side of Cas' hips. Slowly, his legs wrapped around his waist.

      As Cas bit his neck, he pulled him closer onto his body. He desperately wanted every inch of Cas on him. He needed to feel all of him.

      Cas stopped in his tracks. He stuttered, "do you have a condom?"

      Dean laughed, "yeah." He retrieved it from the glovebox and pushed it on Cas' chest, "next time you want to attack me, be prepared." Cas' faced turned red with embarrassment, but it went away when Dean quickly kissed his lips.

      They boys took off each other's jeans; Cas' timid state resulted in huge puffs of smoke that dispersed on Dean's chest. He shakily rolled it on, and positioned himself. He held onto Dean's thighs and lied back on top of him. Dean smiled at his awkwardness, "you gonna pass out?"

      "Just wait Dean."

      Dean began nudging the terrified novice, "I'll just go on top and-"

      Cas threw his hands over Dean's mouth, "no Dean! I got this."

      The impatient leader stopped and just lied there as the apprehensive ‘first-timer’ tried to think of what to do.   

      Cas lied on top of Dean, and began kissing him. The supportive beau pushed his lips agains Cas', and lightly pulled his hair. Dean grabbed Cas' phallus and he gasped. "Calm down, Cas," he whispered deeply. He put his member on his rim, and pulled Cas inside of him. Dean made a short noise Cas never heard him made. Both men breathed heavily. 

      Dean held onto Cas' thighs and began to pull the awkward college student in and out; a short while later Cas did it himself.

      Cas dropped half-kisses on Dean's neck and face. The feeling was nowhere near fathomable. Cas had never felt anything like this; it hurt so good, he felt like passing out.

      Dean pulled him in and whispered harshly in his ear, "faster."

      Cas tried to move faster with minimal noise, but his loud moans crept outside the car. The freezing temperature in the vehicle made everything so much more hotter. His smokey breath hovered over Dean's lightly tattooed torso; and bites followed every puff. He went up to the Wayward Son's defined neck and attached himself to it with his teeth.

      Dean dug his fingers into Cas' back and left red drag marks. He rolled his head back and moaned Cas’ name as each bite slightly broke his skin.

      Dean continued to moan his name along with quiet profanity. He wrapped his legs around his hips and rolled them with Cas' movements. Their open-mouthed kiss became a loud groan as both of them came.

      Cas hovered over Dean; both boys were speechless. Their smokey breaths dispersed on their chests as semen rolled down their freezing, trembling bodies. Cas just looked into Dean's eyes. He loved him so much he was mute.

      Dean held onto Cas' face and pulled him in for a deep and passionate kiss. He opened his mouth, but paused for a second. He smiled, "I love you."

      There they were; those words that taunted and danced in Cas' head since the second time he seen him. His heart pounded against his chest vehemently.

      "Dean." He put his head in the crook of his neck, "I love you so much." He planted a kiss on the curve of his neck.

      Dean pulled his face in once more, and again they kissed. He pulled Cas' lip with his teeth and they smiled. This was what Cas had always wanted; to love someone who loved him back. This was what he wanted in life. And he finally had it, and was blessed with a man like Dean goddamned Winchester to complete him. This was his heaven. 


	8. Paralyzer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Well I’m not paralyzed, but I seem to be struck by you_  
>  I want to make you move  
> Because you’re standing still

      Cas lied his head on Dean's lap as he drove through the darkness. He lazily swirled his fingers on the driver's chest, and slowly fell asleep. Dean pulled Cas closer to him, "goodnight."

      Dean drove up to the motel, where Sam was waiting outside in the snow in a black Under Armor hoodie, which he probably stole. He stood under the light, obviously pissed at something. Dean motioned at the sleeping student, and Sam rolled his eyes.

      Dean carried the weightless student inside the motel room and slowly put him on the bed. He pushed Cas' hair back and kissed his lips, then walked out to converse with his worried brother.

      Cas woke up to the sound of the shower. He seen this before. He turned; the painting was peculiar. A field of violets disrupted by profanity and black splotches of spray paint. It was stained with blood, probably a fight; hopefully not with a prostitute.

      The shower stopped, and moments later, the ringleader stepped out with a towel wrapped around his waist. Dean turned to Cas, "what? Never seen a man shower before?" He turned back to the mirror, and laughed under his breath.

      The love drunk student walked next to Dean and stood there, in his underwear. He grabbed his shoulders, turned Dean to face him, and threw his lips onto his.  Dean reciprocated and held tightly onto his hips. He lifted him onto the counter and spread his legs far apart. He stood between his legs and began sucking his neck. He left marks and strings of spit. His stubble scratched his neck, drawing moans from Cas' throat. Dean smiled on the crook of Cas' neck and bit it lightly.  Dean's hand trailed down his stomach and onto his crotch. Cas pushed himself against his hand and slyly smiled. Dean smirked and put the fabric of Cas' underwear in his teeth and dragged it down his thigh, but stopped when there was loud banging on the door. "Lucifer is getting close let's move now!"

      Dean smiled against the fabric. He pulled it back up and slowly rose, giving a small groan. Cas held onto Dean's hair tightly, "Dean just, just make it quick. Please?"

      "Cas we need to get dressed and leave." He laughed and shook his head. He threw Cas' clothes to him and he caught them with one hand.

      He lazily walked into the bathroom and was surrounded by faint humidity. He wiped the fog from the mirror and indulged in his new look. For the first time in years, he was able to look at himself and smile. The thick dark circles under his eyes became faded and his eyes weren't blood-shot. He looked healthy, he slept well, and he felt amazing. "Cas stop jerking off let's go!" Dean's muffled voice held a comedic sense to it. Cas loved this; every last second of it.

      He and Dean walked out and the entire lot was covered in a thick gorgeous blanket of 'fuck you' from God. Cas' sneakers were definitely not built for this and almost instantly, his feet became numb. Gabriel texted someone, and he looked just as good, despite the eventful night before. He pushed a few strands back with his hand and smiled at Cas, "I see you're enjoying this. You don't look like shit."

      "Is this why you look the way you do all the time."

      Gabriel laughed and Cas shook his head and got in the back of the Impala, along with Gabriel.

      "Where we goin' hotshots?" Gabe spoke nonchalantly, as if the goddamn mafia wasn't out to get them. Sam smirked, "we're trying to go down South. Don seems to hate Southerners." 

    Dean laughed, "explains a fucking lot actually." Their carefree attitude wasn't anything new, but Cas was still confused. They were fine running away from a guy who wanted them dead. The mind-boggling thing that bothered him, really, was the fact that all of a sudden Don Lucifer wanted them dead. Without thinking, which he seemed to be doing a lot more these days, he blurted out, "why does Don want you dead?"

      Dean scoffed, "it's complicated. You won't understand."

      "How do you know?"

      "Because I don't want you to." Dean's voice was stern and heavy; something Cas had never heard from him - and never wanted to ever again. His heart beat with anger and hurt. He raised his brow, "what do you mean?"

      "How long 'till Georgia?" Dean ignoring Cas pissed him off even more. He clenched his jaw, and felt his head getting heated. Gabriel noticed, and quickly nudged him. The agitated student glared at him. Obeying his friend, who knew him better than himself, he closed his eyes and took a deep breath. The darkness became memories to when he was a teenager.

      He was sitting in a tree, head shoved in a novel. He was about sixteen; too young, too awkward, and bullied too much. The only comfort he had was written on pages and painted on canvases. Nothing made him feel more appreciated than being alone with peculiar works of art. He remembered the smell of fresh grass, the sight of dew droplets on the blade tips reminded him of the way blood forms at the tip of a knife. Almost like the man on the ledge.

      He was almost as high as he was the previous night. The bag gripped tightly between his thighs and his fingers held a blunt. Another hit sent him on a journey the book provided the base to. The written work began to fade into blurred lines as his eyes raced around the page. He felt a small hit on his leg, but he focused the grayish nonsense on the yellowing pages. Another hit, harder this time. But the book, it was incredible. Then, a burn stung his nerves and he immediately reacted. The burn stayed with him for years, and every now and again, the old pain would wreak havoc again.

      His father took the cigarette back and put it where it rightfully belonged, his liquor stained lip. Cas stared at the man blankly as his emotionally confusing father spoke, "you shouldn't do that in that particular tree. That's my tree, and it'll catch fire."

      The young student nodded, as if he understood why that tree was important. His father shook his head in either disappointment or disbelief, Cas never found out.

      He didn't mind his lonely single father. He always got violent, physically mostly, but he was the wisest man Cas had ever known. His father loved him dearly, and he knew that, because he loved his father to the moon and back.

      That night was the night he wanted to forget; the reason he got clean. He wasn't sure where he was at or how it happened, but his baby brothers got into his room and took the LSD like it was candy. He didn't remember much (cocaine is one hell of a drug) but what he did remember haunted him forever. His tiny-handed siblings were passed out, and Cas panicked. He called his dad, who calmly responded, "call poison control, don't call me."

      "But I'll be arrested!"

      "Then that's what you deserve. Your life or your baby brother's?"

      He panicked and became frustrated. He blacked out from the stress, and woke up a day later.

      The powder and pills threw him into a coma, one he never wanted to experience ever again. The funeral was terrible, and his father was silent; he stayed mute for years. Cas forgot how he sounded like it's been so long. There was never a day that passed where he didn't want to throw himself off a building. The night of the funeral, his father took a metal rod and just as he hit him in the back, the strange December air hit him just as hard in the gut.

      It wasn't as cold as New York. As a matter of fact, he didn't even know where the hell he was at. It felt like only a few minutes was spent under the memory. They were at a Gas 'N' Sip, so they were down South.

      Inside, Dean leaned over the counter to the cashier and whispered something. The scrawny teenager took him to the back and the Wayward Son disappeared.

      Cas looked around to see if anyone noticed, and they all did but didn't do anything. He just stood in front of the fridge filled top to bottom with liquor and Coronas, staring blankly, thinking about nothing.

      Someone from behind threw his hand on the student's shoulder, scaring him half to death. "You must be Dean's new plaything."

      A man with a round stubbled face stood tall behind him, mouth stretched with an evil grin. "Who's asking?"

      He laughed under his breath, "no one really." He held out his hand, "Benny. Your name?"

      Cas shook his hand, "Jeremy." No matter who Cas was talking to, if he didn't trust him, he became Jeremy.

      "Jeremy? What does D yell when you're rammin' him?" He laughed deeply, oblivious to his false identity. "D has never talked about me, has he?"

      Cas shrugged, "why would he?"

      He looked at his feet, but his eyes rose, "because I'm an asset, especially to this operation we have here. Surprised, actually."

      Cas felt a heat growing in his head; this man made him uneasy. Dean came back with a pie in one hand and a case of beers in the other. He looked awkwardly at Cas, "guess you guys already met."

      "Of course, baby D, Jeremy here is quite the character." He patted his shoulder and Cas gave a smug look.

      Dean looked at Cas in disbelief in his little white lie. "Yeah. Jeremy is that guy."

      They walked out to Sam and Gabriel smothering each other's faces with their mouths, again. Their obsessive relationship perplexed Cas. They were a little too in love Cas thought. Gabriel and Benny, no surprise, knew each other, very well. They fist bumped and gave a short lived hug.

      Benny had his own black Harley, the one that rode directly next to the right break light, one of two. He swiftly swung his leg over the bike seat and sat comfortably. He gave a smirk and winked at Cas as he entered the Impala's passenger side. He stared out onto the highway as Dean drove, one hand on the ex-students sore thigh. Cas put his hand over his', "where we going?"

      "Benny says Purgatory is still up, so we're gonna go there."

      "Purgatory?"

      Dean smirked, "kind of tacky, I know, but it's good. It's this old-as-balls abandoned mansion with this huge ass tunnel system. It's a safe haven-"

      Cas nodded and pretended like he was listening. He did focus for a second, but his eyes held a stare at his lover's lips and neck. Abandoned mansion? The things Cas could do to him in that house clouded his thinking. He didn't care where it was or why they were in hiding; as long as he and Dean were together, he was all right. And he was ready to run away forever with him, leaving everything he'd ever known behind.


	9. Addicted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _I'm so addicted to_   
>  _All the things you do..._   
>  _It's not like anything_   
>  _When you're loving me_

      By nightfall, they reached Purgatory, and it lived up to it's name. The bikes parked under the burnt willow, and the mothership (which Dean also called his ride when talking with Gabriel) parked inside the actual house. The huge gaping hole on the side of the house deemed a perfect holder for his precious. They walked out to the front yard, and the first thing Cas noticed was the strange cleanliness. Not a damn thing out of place. He wished that was the situation for the crispy, eaten up siding. The shutters hung by a single nail; the window desperately tried to keep them up. The wooden slab creaked open and inside was worse.

      There were a few bloodied mattresses, reeking of sex and coat-hanger abortions. Drug paraphernalia was littered across the dirty marble-mosaic floor. It was tragic; such a graceful home, ruined by today's short lived gratifications. Sam casually threw his duffel in the corner, claiming the dining room his. Gabriel's bag followed shortly after, and the two embraced each other like they haven't seen each other in three months. They kissed a few times, and Cas' hand was held by Dean's. 

      "Come on, I'll show you the tunnel system." Dean's enthusiasm made the ex-student more easy about the situation. He lazily followed the Wayward Son into the kitchen.

      The kitchen, wooden floored, had a wide gate lining. The gates were detailed with roses and vines and leaves. He pointed to the gate in front of the discombobulated oven, "over here is the only hollow floor. You push your feet through first, and it'll close when you drop in. It's a few feet so be careful." He flashed a toothy grin, opened the gate, and dropped. He disappeared almost instantly, and Cas came dropping after. 

      Dean's backpack swung off his shoulder as he got to his knees, "gotta crawl, but it gets better."

      Cas crawled closely behind him, watching his backside move side to side. He enjoyed the view, definitely, but he wanted to smother Dean's face already. He was gonna cross that bridge when he gets to it.

      They got to a cross way. He sat with his back against the tunnel wall, facing Cas. "The left," he pointed, "leads to the backyard. The right, upstairs."

      "Upstairs?"

      Dean smiled, "it's one helluva hike up, but it's worth it."

      Cas managed to pull a smirk, and they continued to scoot straight. The tunnels got colder and denser; so much so, their voices became puffs of smoke. Cas' breathing got heavier as they slowly descended deeper underground. Dean turned to him, "here's a five foot drop. So when you get down, get back on your knees." He flashed a wink and dropped once more. Cas smiled hugely as he watched his lover drop into the depths of Hell (no pun intended).

      He followed after, and entered complete darkness. "Dean?"

      His heart started pounding against his chest as the silence pierced his ears. The only sound was the drips of God knows what in the distance. "Dean?"

      He called for him louder, and still no answer. He stood there, but he was greeted by a pair of familiar lips. The kiss was deep and passionate, and he found comfort in it. "You scared, Cas?"

      His whisper warmed his mouth, and the emotionally perplexed ex-student couldn't help but to attack his lips once more, "not anymore."

      Dean smiled and flicked his lighter, illuminating his round face. He held onto Cas' hand and led him to a door, which spewed blue lights from it's holes and ridges. The heavy wooden door creaked open and they entered a dimly lit room. The blue light from the solar-powered lamp lit up the room in an elegant blue. The color shone off the somewhat clean chrome tables and counters of the extra small kitchen. Cas thought out loud, "the metal shines blue."

      "Just like your eyes, when we were in the Impala."

      Cas looked at him in awe; a man like Dean saying things like that. He finally seen why Gabe was so attracted to them, they were much different from the others, as cliche as it sounded. Cas' heart skipped a few beats. 

      Dean put his bag on the floor, "say hello to your new room."

      Cas looked around and nodded, "not like the one I had back at Harvard."

      Dean looked at the floor, "sorry." There was a heavy sound of sadness in his voice. He sounded as if he regretted taking him with him on this shitty journey. 

      "No, it's better. Much better, actually."

      Dean looked up and smiled, dropping his head on his shoulder. "Didn't like the silk sheets?"

      His partner in crime scoffed, "please. It was a dull frame. This," he held his hands up, "this is interesting. Far from boring; my kinda style."

      Dean laughed and awkwardly stuffed his hands in his pockets. He shrugged, and he was wrapped by Cas' long arms and they embraced in harmony, like how it should be.

      He rested his head on the Wayward Son's shoulder and the leader kissed his neck. His scruff tickled his jaw, creating a smile on Cas' face.

      They pried themselves from each other and kissed again, because they were that obsessed in love. Dean held Cas' arm and pulled him down on the floor next to him. Dean's back was on the wall, and Cas was fine with that. He swung his leg over and sat on his lap. Cas straddled his beau, hands on his neck. He pushed his forehead against his, and did what he was dying to do; smother him. 

      Their kisses were rough and heavy, and too often their teeth clashed. Dean moaned on his mouth, and Cas slowly dragged his hand down to his own crotch. He slid his hand in his jeans and began to stroke himself. Dean smiled, and put his hand over Cas', helping him to do the job. Cas bit his lip and moaned loudly. He grabbed Dean's hair and pulled as his pre-cum filled his hand. His eyes rolled back, and his head dropped. Dean wasted no time and drenched his neck in spit and faint tequila. Cas moaned even louder, pulled even harder, and rubbed even quicker. His breathing became panting, and he felt his sweat breaking as he almost reached climax. A faint 'Dean' escaped from his lips, and Dean unbuttoned Cas' jeans and lied him on the floor. His jeans disappeared and Dean ended up with his underwear in his mouth. The cold floors stung Cas' ass, and his cock was warmed with Dean's mouth. 

      Cas held onto Dean's hair and helped him move his head. His knees bent in weakness as he tried to jerk his hips up. Dean gripped his hips tightly to keep him in place. Dean shoved Cas deep in his mouth, hitting his throat. Cas moaned loudly, and Dean's name slipped through his lips more times than profanity. "Holy shit-Dean!"  

      Cas' grip on his hair tightened as he came closer to his climax. He moved his hips with his lover's head movements. Cas stopped dead and his jaw hung open. He arched his back and made a short grunt as his orgasm filled Dean's jaw and throat. Dean slowly slid up from his hard member and swallowed every last drop of semen. He smiled sweetly at Cas and crawled on top of him.

      Cas was panting loudly and his stomach huffed with every huge gulp of air. Sweat rolled down his face, and Dean began to politely kiss his chin and jawline. Cas smiled as he tried to catch his breath. Then, a sound from the door next to them, to which Cas replied "busy!"

      Benny kissed his teeth, "shit is everyone having sex 'cept me? Damn."

      As his comments slowly faded away, the lovers laughed. Dean dropped his head on Cas' stiff but frail chest and planted soft kisses on him. Cas stroked his hair, "wanna get up?"

      Dean smiled, "not really." Cas laughed under his breath, it was gonna be a cold night.

      The next day, the boys went upstairs to devise their next move. Dean sat on the dirty mattress, legs crossed. Cas went looking for a bottle of Jack. One of the henchmen pointed to the dining room.

      Cas peeked around the corner to make sure he wasn't going to interrupt something. Gabriel was on top of Sam, fully clothed. He rested his head on his elbows, which were on both sides of the younger Winchester's head. They shared a kiss often, but mostly they talked. Cas decided it was the right time to get the Jack.

      He quietly glided down the massive room, making sure not to make a noise. He looked up and down the rusty mahogany table, bags everywhere. "If you're looking for Jack he's in the grey and black duffel," Sam called out from the floor. 

      Cas opened it up and Jack was surely there, right on top. It was half full, but he was fine with it. 

      He came back to the living room, where Dean, Benny, and a feminine voice on the other line talked amongst themselves. There was an entire East Coast atlas sprawled out on a huge cardboard box. They circled and drew, and argued mostly. The woman came to the conclusion, "I think you should go to Kansas. It's way down South, and Don won't be able to know where you're at."

      "We can't go to Lawrence."

      "What about Lebanon? Or Topeka? There's other cities in Kansas, D."

      Dean rolled his eyes at Ben. "Obviously. If you're not gonna help then-"

      "I am helping! You just wont consider my ideas! And you're moody as hell."

      "Fine," Dean pushed his fingers in the corners of his eyes. "Fine. We can go to Lebanon or fucking Topeka. I'm saying Lucifer will find us. He expects us to go to Kansas."

      "What about Wisconsin?" Cas intervened, and the boys looked at him, furrowed brows.

      "Wisconsin?" Dean smirked, "the fucks in Wisconsin?"

      Cas shrugged, and took one last sip, "nothing. But who the hell runs to Wisconsin?"

      Benny laughed, "Lucifer's men are North you know."

      "Which is why we should go. He expects us to move as far South as possible. So, go up North. He won't find us up there because he'll be too busy looking down here."

      Dean looked at the floor, head still up. He shrugged and stared at the atlas. It was silent for a few moments, and the baffled Winchester spoke up. "Let's go up North, then."

      Benny smirked at Cas, who only put the bottle to his lips. Dean folded the gigantic paper and stuffed it inside his back pocket, "well, that makes this a shit load easier. I'll get back to you later, Charlie."

      He hung up the phone and tossed it to Benny. He motioned for Cas to pass the bottle, but he had already finished it. He shook his head, "so we can leave tomorrow. We're at the Southern tip of North Carolina. We can get to Wisconsin in less than a month if we keep moving."

      "Keep moving, eh? Will we ever stop?" Benny looked at Dean with a smug face. 

      Dean shared the look, "hell no. Not until the bitch is dead."

      "Who's gonna kill him D? It's gonna be a goddam goose chase 'till we're all dead."

      Dean spat at the ground; usually a gesture to insult. However, he spat for a different reason, "then so be it."

      Cas was beyond confused. These were his people, his men. He was their leader, and he was ready to give them all up. He never seen this part of Dean, and quite frankly Cas felt sick thinking about it. Dean patted Cas' shoulder, "we need supplies."

      Dean led Cas to the Impala, "you need to get stuff; food, booze, pie, and an order I have."

      "Order?" Dean smirked, "Katie has my marijuana and my pills. She'll be at the Gas 'N' Sip at noon." Dean held out a tiny brown paper bag, "trade bags. That's it. Then you're on your way."

      Cas looked at his feet, "why do I have to do it?"

      "Because Don doesn't know who you are. You'll look like a regular jack off." He laughed deeply.  

      Cas' memory of dying kids inflamed his brain. "Why can't you send Gabriel? I can't go."

      Dean slid his arms under Cas', and pulled him close. He lied his head on the frail shoulder, "whatever happened back then, I promise it wont happen again." He planted a kiss on the curve of Cas' neck before pulling himself away. "Nothing will happen to you. I promise."

      Cas held Dean's hand and brought it to his lips. He had full trust in his companion, so he took the keys and without telling him about his lack of a license (or experience), drove to the goddamn gas station.

      'Booze, food, pie, drugs'. These words danced in his head as he searched for the items listed. Booze, check. Food? _What the hell does he mean by that?_ Fuck it. Check. Pie, check. Drugs.

      He waited in line. He was behind a tall figure in a suit with a heavy accent. Another suited man stood by the door. He was shorter, and older looking. His red tie poked itself from his suit coat. The tall man turned around, "that's a lot of-things-for one person." He smiled widely; the accent.  It was the very same one from the warehouse. Cas' palms got sweaty as he literally looked up at him. "It's a house party."

      "Pie?"

      "Women love playing with pie." Cas lied through his teeth, badly.

      The man smiled, "alright then. Say, you wouldn't know a Winchester, would you?"

      "I know where they sell Winchesters. Right off the corner of-"

      "Balthazar. Please, leave the poor child alone." The British accent saved him from an incomplete sentence (there were no gun stores near the area).

      "I'm only playing, Crow," he looked down at Cas, "tell that stupid Brit Crowley I'm joking." Cas shrugged, and the tall men left, and a woman entered. Cas looked at the clock, noon. 

      She walked up to him without suspicion, "you Jeremy?"

      Cas nodded, and held out the tiny bag. They did a classic switch and both left swiftly and quickly.  Back at the manor, Cas rushed to find Dean. After looking frantically around the house, he decided to look through the tunnels. He slid down the gate and crawled to the crossroad. He decided to go left. The tunnel ceiling began growing, along with the walls. They became dark, dirty stones. In an instant, he was able to stand. The corridor ran down like the Holland Tunnel, with the lovely light at the end. It was dark and muggy, and absolutely freezing. He reached the doorway, covered with moss, bushes and other weird plants. He pushed the dirty vines and entered the massive backyard. 

      The massive dirty fountain held an acquaintance. His long brown hair and his plaid gave off the Winchester vibe. Sam was flicking his lighter and burning blades of grass, from a pile that sat next to him. He was unsettled, and alone. "What's up Sam?"

      Sam raised a brow and gave him a look, "would you know what I'm talking about if I told you? Or would you black out?" He gave a smug smirk, and Cas just shrugged. "I dunno. You'll just have to tell me and hope for the best."

      Sam laughed, "fine. I worry about you guys."

      "Worry about what?"

      Sam threw a burnt blade on the dirt, "everything. You need to go back, Gabriel too."

      "Well, if it makes you feel better, Gabriel hated that place and would burn it down to ash at any given chance."

      Sam laughed, and looked up at Cas. "We dragged you guys into a world of complete insanity-"

      "Sometimes you need a little insanity. It makes your life worth living."

      Sam shrugged, "you looking for Dean? He's in the basement with Benny."

      Cas' eyes inflamed with every emotion he's ever felt and he stormed off, completely confused-emotionally. He lugged himself into their room and knocked over a few rusty pots. He fell through the door and seen Dean sitting on the floor, alone. "Cas you alright?"

      He panted, "where's Benny?"

      Dean slowly took the booze neck from his mouth, "he went out on a gun run right when you left. You alright Cas?"

      Cas stumbled on the floor next to Dean, "I dunno." He dropped his head on the Sons’ shoulder and entwined his fingers with his'.

      "Did you get the thing?"  

      Cas laughed, "nice. And yeah. What's in it anyway? It’s a lot heavier than just pot."

      Dean opened the bag and pulled out two bags, cocaine and marijuana. "This one", he threw the weed on Cas' lap, "is ours."

      Cas awkwardly looked at the bag. Dean turned to Cas, "it's okay, Cas. You're not gonna hurt anyone, I promise."

      Cas looked at him in a pinch of panic. How he knew, Cas didn't know. Dean looked at him, brow raised, "you still reluctant?"

      Cas shrugged; he didn't know what the hell he wanted to do. He looked Dean right in his emerald eyes, "let's do it."

      Dean smirked, ripped open the bag and pulled out a few papers. He professionally and quickly rolled up a bit of bad past. He lit it up, took one hit and passed it to Cas.

      After watching the thick grey smoke slowly pour out of his beau's mouth, he put it to his mouth and breathed in the poisonous pleasure. He felt every inch of his throat dry up instantly, and coughed like a smoker. Dean wasn't high enough, so he took it back, and repeated the process. Cas got a hold of it again, and this time kept it down. He blew circles as his vision began to blur. He heard Dean speak, but it only came out muffled.

      He looked at Dean; watched as his throat inhaled and released the smoke. Something so simple made Cas so hard. He straddled him and Dean looked up at the half-way high kid with his glazed eyes.

      His emeralds were surrounded by a sea of faint red, and without breaking eye contact he took another hit. He thrust his lips on Dean's and pushed the cannabis vapor into his mouth. They released, and Dean swallowed the transferred smoke. The Winchester breathed in the dope, and pulled Cas' head closer.

      Their foreheads connected, Dean opened his mouth, and slowly blew it into Cas' face. The straddling lover automatically opened his mouth and sucked it in and swallowed it. 

      Both boys were high as kites, and psychotic in love. They stared into each others eyes, and passionately kissed. Hours passed without them knowing. When they pried themselves from each other, their artificial gratification was mostly gone, along with the sun. They spent their entire time dazed attacking the others lips.

      Dean lazily crept his hands to Cas' back pockets and put his head on his chest. Cas rested his chin on his head and stroked the back of Dean's neck, sending goosebumps across his body. Dean almost vehemently shivered in return and looked at Cas, who had a smug smile on his face. They heard the door and a few footsteps, "guys, did you know Sam's eyes are like fucking galaxies in the sunlight! Thought you guys should know that!"

      Gabriel drunkenly yelled from behind the door and Sam's laugh was heard in the distance. Gabe stumbled across the other room back to Sam. A few things fell from counters and he bumped into a huge metal shelf, making the utmost noise in the least amount of time, all while Sam is laughing his ass off in the doorway. He stumbled into the large Winchester's body, "I think we should go tell Benny!". Sam agreed, and their laughter and voices slowly faded away. 

      The boys laughed as their brothers left the scene. Cas dragged his hands up Dean's chest, and cupped his neck. He lazily threw himself onto the Winchester's mouth; their teeth hit and they both immediately pulled back. They held their mouths in pain as their teeth rang with sharp pain. Dean laughed behind his mouth and dropped his head against the wall.

      Cas whispered, "Dean?"

      "Yeah?"

      Cas smiled and pushed his forehead against his, "I love you."

      Dean laughed lightly, "I know. Wanna know how I know?"

      "Hmm?"

      Dean slowly pushed Cas off his head and stared into his eyes. His royal blues pierced his eyes, but his heart felt the pinch. "I know because I love you more than you know."


	10. Better Dig Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _If you go before I do_   
>  _I'm gonna tell the gravedigger that he better dig two_

      The sun broke the sky slightly, shining a thin beam of light into Cas' eyes. He slowly rose off Dean's slow moving chest. He looked up at him, head on his hands, on top of the man he met a few weeks back, but swore he was in love. He crawled up his chest slowly, making sure he didn't wake him up. He wrapped his fingers around Dean's neck and kissed his soft lips. The sleeping man woke up with a smile stretched across his face. He looked at Cas, who laughed under his breath. Dean put his hand behind his nape and pulled him closer, "good morning."

      Cas lazily pushed his lips against his. He smiled on his lips, "good morning." He put his forehead on his chest. Dean ran his fingers through his hair. Cas whispered from his torso, "wanna get up?"

      Dean nodded, "not really. Nobody's even here now. They're on runs."

      "So we have the whole place to ourselves," Cas twirled his finger on his chest, "so we can do anything we want, right?"

      Dean laughed, his whole body lifting and dropping Cas' body. "When are they coming back?"

      Dean looked at his thick - probably stolen - watch. He smiled widely, "we have about an hour."

      Cas kissed his chest and smiled, "where do you wanna go?"

      Dean idly stroked Cas' obsidian hair, "what kind of sexual beast have I awoken?"

      Cas laughed loudly, his stomach began to feel a pinch. There was a sense of veracity in what Dean had said eased his laughter a bit. But who could blame him? Dean was everything to him, so Cas gave everything up for him. A buzz split their contact; Benny. Cas sluggishly asked who it was, although he already knew.

      “It’s Benny. He said he just left and would meet us in Tennessee.” Cas smiled, “so we won’t see him for, how long?” Dean looked at the ceiling and slowly took Cas off of him. He stood up, and Cas followed him. “What’s wrong, Dean?”

      “Why do you hate that guy so much? You just met him a few days ago.”

      Cas went up to the kitchen island and put on a shirt. What was he supposed to say; he’s possessive? He’s jealous? There was no legitimate reason to why Cas disliked him so much. At least, not a reason Dean would accept. Naturally, he shrugged, which infuriated the already pissed off guy he was obliged to speak nothing but the truth. Dean threw his fists at the wall, making Cas jump, “god fucking dammit!”

      “Dean, I - “

      “No, Cas! I gave you time to talk, and now it’s my turn! All you just wanna do is brush me off! Do you know how frustrating that is! I-I try to open you up and you shut everything down in front of me and you have the audacity to pull me close at night! And I never know what to do because you only ever give me a million signals all at once and you never tell me what any of that shit means and it’s exhausting!” Cas stood there appalled, jaw hung open. He didn’t want to see Dean like this, ever again. He slowly walked towards the heating man, “Dean, just please calm down. I’m sorry.” He spoke softly, as if he was talking to a rabid animal, at which point, Dean really was.

      Dean paced about the room, mumbling and rubbing his nape and his head, brushing off the breaking sweat. He stopped in front of Cas and looked at him from his lashes, hands on his hips. He laughed maniacally to himself, and in an instant he pushed Cas to the wall with his chest. Cas hit his head on the cement wall. His eyes had tinted a blur which lasted for a moment. Dean slammed his hands on the wall on both sides of his head. Cas’ heart beat thirty beats a second and sweat was about to escape his skin. He was absolutely terrified, fearing the similar scenarios in his head he had seen before back at the motel room and at the warehouse. Dean’s eyebrows dropped and he looked like a totally different Dean, which made Cas even more uneasy.

      His hands slid down the wall and he took a few steps away from the petrified soul, who really meant no harm. Dean sat on the stiff island counter and buried his head in his hands. Cas stood there; horrified at the different dispositions one man made in an instant. Dean rubbed the back of his neck, “Cas just please go upstairs. I can’t see you now.”

      Cas slowly made his way to the door, which he easily shut behind him. As he was walking up the rickety stairs, Dean began throwing everything and screaming in agony. Cas closed his eyes and sluggishly and beyond mortified. He never meant to put Dean through those kind of things; but he always had a way with getting under people’s skin, which was why the only guy he knew was Gabriel.

      Upstairs he seen Gabriel with a huge cut on his hand and his hair was a mess. “Woah, Gabe what the hell happened?”

      Gabriel looked at Cas with his huge whiskey eyes, lined with desolation. He looked around frantically before speaking up, “I love Sam so much.” He smiled sweetly, as if nothing happened.

      “Gabriel, I don’t think-” Gabriel hushed Cas with a wave of his finger, “I’m going to kiss him now.” He left in jitteriness and Cas stood there, bewildered.

      He followed Gabe as he turned the corner and as God as a witness, they were all over each other. Cas turned to the staircase and walked upstairs, curious and unwilling to watch the events between the lovers unfold.

      The second floor was almost completely dark, with little strands of light that trespassed through little bullet holes. He made bursts of noise as he stepped on remnants of drywall and scattered crystal and glass. He looked at the falling ceiling; there was an attic. His intense inquisitive character looked for a ladder to climb, and to his discontent, the ladder was shattered into hundreds of pieces. The attic door was absent, and all was present was a huge black square that took up some of the destroyed ceiling. He shook his head and continued his expedition.

      He found a master bedroom, home to one of the Wayward Sons, who thankfully was not present. He looked around and found a vintage record player. He studied it a bit, the horn was covered in cobwebs and the record stylus was crooked. Just as he began dusting the poor thing off, Gabriel called him from the dining room. He looked back at the 1920’s masterpiece, and hurried (but not too fast) down the stairs.

      Gabe was on Sam’s back; one arm around his chest and the other petting his hair. Sam’s hands were holding him up by his thighs; his legs tightly wrapped around his waist. Dean came up from nowhere and swiftly paced out the front door, not giving any attention to Cas, Gabe or even Sam. Without a word, he left. Sam’s body (solely controlled by Gabriel) broke his stare. Gabe put his chin on the moose-like head Sam held on his equally moose-y body, “I’m sure Dean’s just gotta get something. When he gets here, we have to go. If you’ll excuse me, I have to ride my horse in the backyard.” He flashed a provocative smirk, and Sam hauled him out to the back.

      Cas stood there, completely speechless. He was alone; the thing he feared but loved a little too much. He sat on the step and began going through his phone; nothing except a drunk text from Gabriel.

      The hour was excruciatingly boring, but he pulled through successfully. Dean showed up and immediately the whole gang crawled from the depths of hell and they were on their way.

      Sam and Dean took the front seat, and the 'carry-ons' (which Benny called Gabriel and Cas) hung out in the back. Like the brothers they were, the Winchesters argued about who would win in a hand-to-hand combat, Chuck Norris or Bruce Lee. They argued and talked stats for almost an hour. Their conversation, somehow, steered to the NFL. They talked Super Bowl and next season. Gabriel slept the entire way there, and Cas repeatedly checked his phone. For what, he wasn't sure, but he felt as if someone was going to text him or call him. No one did.

      At midnight, the brothers switched jobs. Sam took over the wheel and Dean occupied the passenger side. There was no stopping for a motel break; perfect. Cas rested his head as he watched Dean's body slowly slouch in the leather. His deep sleep proved to be contagious as Cas himself dropped his head on the window and drifted off.

      After a black dream, the sound of gravel woke him up. He was the only one in the back, and Dean was driving. Dean stopped the car and looked back at Cas, who was dazed. "Close your eyes, Cas."

      Doing as he was told, he blindly stepped out the car. His heavy feet squished the gravelly pieces together. He smelled grass and heard crickets; they were still South.

      Dean led him to the front of the Impala, and lifted him on top of the hood. Cas leaned his back against the windshield, still blind to his surroundings. He felt the car lean down as the Winchester scooted up to sit next to him. "Open your eyes and look up."

      Cas slowly opened his eyes and seen everything. The only light came from the moon and the millions of stars above head. His eyes grew wide and his jaw dropped slightly. He had never seen this many stars since he was a teen. Even then, the stars there weren't as bright or as plentiful as the bare horizon held up. He stared in awe for almost a century, and Dean's arm snaked around his waist and pulled him close.

      Dean lied on his side, leg over Cas' and arms wrapped around him. He kissed his neck as Cas stared in admiration. Dean nuzzled his neck, "I’m sorry for yesterday, Cas. I never wanted you to see that part of the package.” Dean looked at Cas, who was still amazed by the twinkling specks in the velvet sky. “I wasn't sure if you had seen the stars at all, so I took you here anyway,” he continued. He had hoped Cas would forgive and forget. But Cas smiled but stayed silent. "Never. I had never seen these stars."

      Dean smiled against his shoulder, "here you are now."

      Cas managed to stretch his arm around Dean and pull him close. He turned his head and stared into the Winchester's perfect mossy green eyes. He kissed his forehead, then his lips. Cas flipped on his side and kissed him passionately. Their kisses were long lived and soft. They held onto each other for a millennium. Suddenly, a loud roll rung in their ears.

      They looked up into the sky; completely grey. Time was their enemy indefinitely. A few drops fell on their heads, and then an entire storm dropped on them. Cas looked at Dean wide eyed, and they both laughed.

      The boys sat up and slid off the hood. "Wipe your shoes before getting into my car."

      Cas evilly smirked, and ran for the door. He threw himself in the passenger side and Dean followed after. Dean got on top of the hellion from behind and tried to pull him out of the car. The boys laughed loudly as they were fighting. Cas turned on his back and faced Dean. They stopped completely and into their eyes they stared. Fading smiles reaped their faces as Dean slowly leaned closer to Cas' visage. They breathed heavily on each other, which paused when Dean dropped his lips of Cas'. His partner entwined his fingers in his hair and tugged lightly. His other hand slowly glided his soaking wet back and down to his back pockets. He gave his ass a tight pinch and Dean smiled on his mouth. Dean raised his head a bit and pushed a tuft of wet hair from Cas' face and held on to his cheek. He got lost in his icy blue eyes, and that was fine. He didn't want to be found anyway. 


	11. Welcome to the Black Parade

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _We'll carry on, we'll carry on_   
>  _And though you're dead and gone believe me_   
>  _Your memory will carry on, we'll carry on_   
>  _And in my heart I can't contain it_   
>  _The anthem won't explain it._

      Cas woke up to the sound of Dean's phone ringing. His blurred vision showed him nothing but a dark figure pacing back and forth, but his hearing worked fine.

      "Benny you said we'll meet you in Tennessee; we're here. Where are you? Knoxville. Fine, we'll be there in a day. Take care of yourself. I know you can, I'm just saying." Dean hung up and tossed the phone in his bag.

      "What happened Dean?" Cas squinted his eyes, then rubbed them. Dean sat at the foot of his bed, "go back to sleep, Cas. You need it."

      "I know it's early but-"

      "Cas it's three-thirty in the morning. Go to sleep. I'll tell you all about it tomorrow."

      Cas sat up and Dean tried to push him back down. Cas grabbed onto his shoulder and pulled himself up. Dean plopped his hand on his thigh, "I said go back to sleep."

      "Well now I'm not tired."

      Dean smiled. He knew Cas was stubborn, so he let him do what he wanted most of the time. "Fine. Then go get us a case of beer from the Impala." He fussed in his pockets and grabbed his keys. Cas snatched them out of his hand, "you're lucky you're cute." Dean flashed a smug smirk and Cas stumbled out the busted motel door.  

      He pulled his hoodie closed and zipped it up. It wasn't a freezing night, but he shouldn't stay out there long. Dean's shoes were too big for him, so they practically dragged with every step. His breaths were faint clouds as he walked down the cement stairs. He seen Gabriel sitting on the curb, cigarette between his lips; the first Cas had ever seen with Gabe. He stopped next to him, "what's going on, Gabriel?"

      His voice was calm; acting as if he knew Gabe had an issue, which he almost never had. He breathed out the poison and smiled, "nothing. What about you?"

      Cas laughed at his attempt to cloak what really was bothering him. "I'm still a bit confused. Amazed actually."

      "By what?" Gabe's lack of eye contact meant that he knew what Cas was talking about, but hoped he wouldn't.

      "You and Sam. You literally went total SVU on me."

      Gabriel laughed; his whole body pushed his breaths and spurts of laughter. "I'm sorry, what!"

      "You were about to bawl your eyes out. Then you just went back to Sam and fornicated with him like everything was fine."

      Gabriel leaned his head on his fingers, "you don't understand." He stood up and looked at Cas, "you already know the situation. Sam is in some deep shit, along with Dean. I don't want his last breath to be him yelling at me. And I don't want that with mine. I want my last thing on this earth to be in Sam's arms, attached to his lips."

      It finally showed. The part of Gabriel that Cas had always wanted to see; his love drunk side. He was oblivious to everything because Sam was the only thing he needed to know about. He didn't care about anything else (if he ever did).

      He put his hands on Cas' shoulders. The cigarette bud smoked right behind his ear; Cas felt the heat and smelled the chemicals. "Cas, I fucking love Sam. You really cannot fathom it. There will never be anything else as close as I am with Sam. And there willbe nothing I love more than that moose-headed guy."

      He smiled; his hands slid down his arms and his finger flicked the cigarette into the parking lot. "Never stop loving him, Castiel Novak. He's gonna die, and you want him to know that you loved him with every cell in your goddamn body. Some people don’t think they’re loved as much as they actually are. Believe me."

      Cas nodded at looked at him from his lashes. Gabriel poked his chest and walked back to his motel room, which was the neighboring room. Cas looked at the classic Impala, and thought about everything he had just witnessed. He smiled, got the case, and jogged up the stairs.

      He opened the door and the first thing he seen was Dean on the bed. His hands behind his head and his back against the headboard. He was asleep. His chest slowly rose and fell in harmony. Cas put the case on the table and kicked off his shoes. He turned off the light and slowly crawled into bed. He kissed Dean's jaw, and he sluggishly moved. "Come on, Dean. Let's go to bed."

      He slid down the headboard and turned on his side. Cas tried to pull the blankets up as he forced himself under them. He pulled the covers from under Dean and put them over him. Cas wrapped his arm around Dean's waist, "goodnight."

      Cas sluggishly woke up to the sound of Asia, and an empty room. He rubbed the sleep from his eyes, then walked to the bathroom. He glanced at himself in the mirror, and noticed a stain on his face; right at the corner of his mouth. Drool stains. He smiled at the sleep marks and rubbed it off.

      He heard Dean yelling outside, so he opened the door and peeked into the room. "Dean what's wrong?"

      Dean mindlessly threw clothes and guns in their respectful bags and threw the bags to a henchman outside. "Cas we have to go now! Get dressed!"

      "Dean what the hell's going on?"

      Dean held out his hand toward the door with his mouth opened. He looked as if someone punched him in the gut with brass knuckles. He sighed, and rubbed the corners of his eyes, "Benny hasn't called, he hasn't texted, he hasn't given a goddamn word." His brows dropped and his eyes glassed, "he's hurts and I know it." His voice cracked at the realization that something may have happened to his old flame.

      Cas stood there with his shirt in his hand, "he's fine Dean. You said it yourself, he can take care of himself."

      Dean glared vehemently at Cas, then resumed rushing out of the room. Cas rubbed his temples and pulled up his pants. He thought about the way Dean looked at him; he had never seen more anger coming from anybody - not even from his own father. He scratched his head and trailed behind him outside.

      Dean drove like a madman. He sped down the highway, weaving bikes between cars as he passed each one. Sam held the phone to his ear, trying to contact the person of interest. Cas had no idea on what to do; he'd never 'lost' anyone. He sat completely quiet in the backseat with Gabriel, who was also trying to reach him. When Cas had asked him about that, in secret of course, Gabriel had said Benny keeps about three different cell phones for a few occasions; drug deals, aid and temporary housing, and personal. 

      After hours of trying, Gabriel gets a text from him. "Dean! Ben said to pick him up in Ashland City; his bike got stolen."

      Dean sighed and laughed under his breath, "he's such an idiot. Ashland," Dean thought of how to get there from where they were at. A minute of silence gave him enough time to find a route, and they were heading to Ashland City.

      Nine hours must've passed, because Cas was beyond starving. Dean drove down the lonely highway, trees were nothing but a blur of sticks. Sam looked out the window, when he jumped up, "Dean stop the car!"

      Dean slammed on the breaks, and before he could ask a question, Sam was already outside running towards the trees. Dean tried to keep up with him, and the rest followed behind. A few yards into the woodland, Benny was found.

      The gang stood there completely speechless. Dean took a step forward, but he fell to his knees; baffled. The bloody tree held up the body, and a stake was dull with his head. The only noise made was from the birds, but the silence broke, "Jesus Christ Ben!"

      Dean buried his face in his hands; he dragged his hands up to his hair and screamed profanity from the top of his lungs. He stood up and ran to the beheaded member and cut him down. His frozen body made a thump, and the Winchester kicked the dirt, pulled his hair and screamed. Cas felt Dean's heart shatter, as did everyone else. Sam took off his coat, then the rest of the gang lost their coats. Sam walked to Dean, and could only hold on to his shoulder; the older brother cried on his shoulder.

      Dean stepped back and took off his jacket, and behind his tears, he covered the body. Sam followed after, then the whole crew draped their jackets over the body. Gabe took off his coat, and Cas had no choice but to do the same. Leather covered the corpse and it was topped by two cheap hoodies.

      Two guys came back with shovels, and Dean took one. "Dean," Sam started, "I don't think you should do this."

      "I'm doing this Sam." Dean's eyes were red with tears and his hands shook vigorously. He jabbed the shovel in the ground and yanked out a chunk of dirt. Sam took the other shovel, "you guys just go find a bar. There's more coats in the Impala. We'll meet you there." Sam began digging, keeping his fallen family comforted.

      They went back to the Impala, and the henchmen stood there, looking at Cas. He began to feel extremely uncomfortable, and nudged Gabriel, "why are they looking at me?"

      "You're close to Dean, and the absence of both brothers mean that they follow your orders."

      Cas' hands got sweaty, despite the cold temperatures. He was nervous; even if it was temporary he never wanted the responsibility of all these men. He felt he’d just accidentally lead them to a homicide. He awkwardly nodded, and popped open the trunk. He stepped aside and allowed the others to get their coats. They stood there with their coats in hand as Cas sifted through the remaining coats. He found a few leather jackets with an embroidered pentagram surrounded by flares; the same one on Dean's chest. He threw those to the side, and found a trench coat. It was khaki and long; the only coat that wasn't black or leather. He studied it for a moment, realizing that it fit his personality. He wasn’t part of this group; he was just Castiel Novak. He turned to the men, and slipped it on. The rest put on their coats and stood by their bikes. Cas closed the trunk, "alright guys, lets find that bar."

      The Wayward Sons stood there, awaiting their temporary leader to start his bike up. Cas looked toward Gabe, hoping he knew how to ride one. Gabriel smiled and swung his leg over a bike, and Cas followed. Gabriel revved the engine and they drove down the highway.

      The sight of Dean falling apart clouded Cas' mind. The scene kept repeating itself and Cas just needed to scare it away with a bottle of whiskey, which was a totally new thing to him. The sight of a severed head haunted his mind and his stomach turned violently in his body; he felt sick. The trees moved faster but time moved slower. The mild coldness pierced Cas' face as they moved well above the speed limit, his coat undulated in the powerful wind. About twenty minutes passed by them, and they ended up at some rundown highway bar.

      Cas sat at the bar with Gabriel, and his new followers sat around him, able to protect him from any side. He got a whiskey and stared into nothing, trying to figure out what the hell just happened. Gabe patted his shoulder, "I know Cas. It only gets worse from here. I just don't know how Dean is gonna heal; they were practically a married couple."

      Cas threw the drink back and kept them going. "Gabriel? How long has it been since we left the campus?"

      Gabe shrugged, "no idea. Why?"

      Cas looked around the bar a few times. "Maybe Don's men are following us."

      Gabriel put his glass on the napkin, and spoke quietly, "what makes you say that? Why don't they just kill us already?"

      "Me and Dean seen the tree in New York the second night out; I think the third or fourth. It's been about two weeks." Cas asked the bartender about the date.

      "It's the eighteenth. Don't drink too much boy. You're losing it."

      "The eighteenth," Cas repeated. "That's more than enough time to find and follow, wouldn't you think? Don started following them way before that; he always knew where they were. What did Dean do to make Don kick his ass?"

      Gabriel smiled, "Christ, what didn't he do! Lucifer always had a specific hatred for him though."

      "Which is why he would always keep his eye on him." Cas' eyes widened, "Gabriel, Lucifer never lost us. He's been following us this whole time. That's why he knew Benny parted from the group, he knew Benny would be alone at some point." 

      Gabriel looked at Cas with a horrified look, "so what do we do?"

      Cas opened his mouth, but he was interrupted by a rowdy entrance. Dean came in, dry tears down his cheek, drunk off his ass already. He stood in between the boys. "I'm done runnin' from this son of a bitch. I got a proposition; we're gonna attack Don Lucifer and his men."


	12. The Bureau

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Everybody keep it calm tonight_   
>  _Everyone we’re going live tonight_   
>  _Everybody’s getting on tonight_   
>  _Everybody’s getting on_   
>  _And so am I_

      "Dean wait!" Gabriel stormed out behind him with his drunken rage. "Dean! How about you think about this before you go around a fuck shit up!"  


"Gabriel he killed Benny!"  


Gabe yelled excruciatingly loud, "you're drunk! Shut up and make a move when you're sober!"  


Dean began walking towards Gabriel, but stopped when Sam came out. He stared at him as he breathed the dry air. "Gabe," he started sanely, "they killed Ben. I can't just let them do that." He looked at him with wide eyes, which masked inextinguishable fury. Dean kicked the sand and finally lost it again, "I let Don do whatever the fuck he wanted! I lost men! I lost family! I promise, Gabriel, this insanity will end-"  


"Without making a jackass out of yourself? Dean I understand, he was my brother, too. But if you do this you'll lose so much. Everything you've worked for, all in vein."  


Cas finally stepped outside after watching from inside the bar. The dry air sucked all the moisture from his mouth and the life from his body. The blazing afternoon sun was no better on him in his trench coat. He stood and watched as they spit venom and lost their minds.  


"Dean what about Cas? If you love him-"  


"Don't you dare question my love for him!" Dean shoved Gabriel back and Sam stepped in, pushing him to the sand. Cas ran and helped Dean up, and was rewarded by a light shove. Dean turned to Sam and punched him in the jaw, and Cas quickly grabbed him, "Dean if you love me then think about what you're doing!"  


Dean looked at Cas with the very same wide eyes he had never wanted to see. The Winchester exhaled deeply, bowed his head and kicked the Impala's tire. His deep breaths were heavy with rage, which chilled Cas to the bone. Dean was seething with rage, anger and grief; regret mostly.  


He looked at his younger brother, whose mouth was stained with blood. He took a deep, final breath, "fine. What do you idiots want to do?"  


Sam scoffed, "we should lay low. Keep our eyes open. We can't let this happen again."  


Cas tried to speak up about his conclusion, but couldn't quite find the words. He turned his vision to Gabriel for help, but he was too busy being wrapped in Sam's arms. He decided it wasn't time for this anyways.  


Sam and Gabriel walked into the bar to collect the men from their barstools, chairs, and whores. Dean opened the passenger door and motioned for Cas to get it. "What about Sam?"  


"He's getting the rest of 'em, and he really doesn't want to sit next to me for a while."  


Cas smiled at his nonchalance and got into the car. Dean got in the driver's side. He stared out into the woods before speaking, "Cas I'm sorry." He turned to Cas and dropped his head on his shoulder. Dean's forehead was heavy on Cas' frail shoulder, so he pushed his head up to face him. Cas turned his body to face him, and Dean crawled on top of him. Cas tugged Dean's collar as he kissed his forehead. "Cas, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it."  


Cas smelled liquor emitting from Dean's breath, "you're not driving are you?"  


Dean laughed, "I'm not that drunk."  


"Uh, you are, kinda." Cas kissed him and smiled against his lips. "Just let Sam drive, Dean. Promise me, you won't regret it."  


The Winchester laughed as he got off him. Sam opened the driver's door, "Dean get out." He laughed and the boys went to the back. Gabriel got into the car and put his head on Sam's lap. Cas put his head on Dean's shoulder and lightly dragged his finger on his thigh. Dean held on tight to Cas' shoulder and kissed his forehead once in a while.  


Gabriel, on the other hand, poked Sam's face as he drove under the colorful sky. Followed by the pokes came an occasional 'stop' and a hard poke to the stomach.  


The car ride ended around two in the morning, in the center of Lafayette, Tennessee. The motel was no different, other than the light vegetation and small pond in the middle of a bordered sand patch. The woman looked no better; her inked neck released an orchestra of pure cacophony as her lips held on to the cigarette bud. The keys were handed to their respectful owners and they dispersed.  


Dean kicked off his boots and threw his coat on the table. He dropped the whiskey on his coat and fell into the chair. Cas slowly took off his trench and lied it on the back of the chair. He dropped himself on the bed and sighed loudly. The Winchester popped the top and threw it back like it was the last drink on the planet. Cas turned to him, "come to bed, it's late."  


"I can't sleep."  


"Can't or won't?"  


Dean looked over at him; his icy blue eyes burned his polished emerald eyes, almost literally. He scoffed, "what book did you read that from?"  


"It was a television show, and come to bed." Cas sat up and crossed his legs, leaning his head on his shoulder.  


Dean got up and forced himself on Castiel, and he obliged. Dean kissed him softly before rolling his forehead on his'. Cas held onto Dean's ass as he kissed his neck.  


Dean sighed as his eager partner's lips ran across his neck. He pushed himself up and off of Cas and stood up. "Dean what's wrong?"  


"Cas I know you want me to get over him as soon as possible, but fucking me won't help."  


Cas smirked, "it could be a start."  


Dean pulled the bottle back to his lips and sat on the chair, "I just need time to think and process this. I like how you're 'trying' but not yet, Cas." He finished half of the bottle, "I need time."  


"Hopefully not a lot of time?"  


Dean ignored that and slouched in his chair. Cas sighed and crawled under the covers. "If you're ever going to bed tonight, just know I'm gonna hold you."  


Dean laughed, "I know."  


Cas woke up to the sound of thick, roaring engines and an empty bed. He sat up and looked at the blurred clock - six thirty. The room lacked the usual scent of stolen cologne and scattered baggage. The room was completely empty, except for the invading headlights.  


Learning from the whole experience, he crawled out of bed and went under the cold windowsill. He tried to listen past the engines; there were spurts of Sam's voice over the ancient cars. Nothing was actually understood, so Cas slowly poked his head up to see what was happening. The lights blinded him, but he seen a tall familiar figure. His face was round but he had never seen him before. He was so familia, though he had never seen him before. He wasn't Crowley - too tall. Not Balthazar - his face was defined.  


He quickly looked around for a familiar face; no Dean or Gabe. Gabriel was probably hiding in his room, because where else was he if he wasn't with Sam?  


Cas dropped to the floor when the figure looked toward him. He frantically searched for his phone and texted Gabe an S.O.S. Shortly after, Gabriel texted him back, promising to tell him when Don leaves. His heart hit the ground; he had heard so much and he was so close to him, but h won’t se him, not yet at least. If those stories were true, Cas thought, then he was screwed.  


The Winchesters and Gabriel had told him that Don Lucifer was brutal and silently aggressive. He only killed people of high ranks; other Dons and gang leaders. His posture was not as straight as it should be, but this man had an iron fist. He could kill his own mother looking her straight in the eye. A Wayward Son had even passed a rumor, which most believed to be true.  


He said Don was born in a broken home; his father abused him and his mother was a prostitute. However, Gabriel said he was just a spoiled brat who didn’t get what he wanted. Dean believed in something different.  


He said he came from a long history of drug dealers and mob leaders. He wanted to be Don, but his oldest brother was next in line. His father even had told him he wasn’t meant to be Don, just another drug lord. Jealousy and rage came over him, and he murdered his father and his siblings, and took over anyway. Dean said he was dangerous, violent and insane.  


He dropped his head on the wall and waited as the love of his life was nowhere to be seen. All he wanted was to grab onto Dean and never let go. He wanted to smell Hugo Boss from the crook of his neck. He wanted to touch Dean one last time. He took what Gabe had said about his relationship with Sam; he’s gonna savor every moment because he's gonna get shot. He regretted not holding him when he was drinking the pain of losing Benny. He regretted not being with him, and no matter what happened, he would always carry this burden in his heart.  


He heard Sam yell and fuss outside, then a loud boom. The gunshot rang through Cas’ ears and he was practically crippled. The doors slammed shut and the cars creaked away on the gravel. He frantically stood up and raced to the door. He opened it and to his disapprobation, the cars sped off into the blackness of the night.  


Gabriel was already outside, sitting on the floor with his back against the wall. He looked out into the highway as if he had seen a ghost; eyes shot open and blood on his hands. Cas spoke to him, but he was unresponsive. He ran back inside the motel room to look for something, telling him where Dean would be at.  


Right on the table was a paper, with coordinates written largely. Next to the numbers was a message, ‘get your gunn.’ The two n’s threw Cas off, what did that even mean? He ignored the note and got the revolver from his trench coat; Dean must’ve put it there before he went outside. He put the gun in his pocket and threw his trench over him.  


He stepped outside and was surrounded by the remaining Wayward Sons. There were only a few left. They looked at Cas and Gabriel (who was shaking erratically). He felt the Impala’s keys in his pockets, and they did their ritual.  


He took Gabe into the car and started it up. He left the motel key in the room, and drove off. The Wayward Sons followed after. He held on to Gabriel, trying to help him cope with whatever the fuck just happened. He turned on the radio and was welcomed by the Rolling Stones. He knew by tomorrow night, someone was going to die, and he’d make sure it wasn’t a Winchester.


	13. The End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Now come one come all to this tragic affair_   
>  _Wipe off that makeup, what's in is despair_   
>  _So throw on the black dress, mix in with the lot_   
>  _You might wake up and notice you're someone you're not_

      Cas drove down the dusty highway day and night continuously. Refusing to eat, refusing to sleep, the boys stayed up and took turns driving, which ended sooner than hoped. Gabriel's eyes were redder than fresh blood, and he began to hallucinate. Cas finally drove to a random motel for the night.

      Gabriel charged into the room and immediately crashed into the bed. Almost instantly, he passed out from sleep deprivation. Cas, however moved a bit more slower. He sluggishly dragged himself to the bed as the weight pulled him down. He dropped into the bed and stared at the ceiling. His vision blurred then eventually blackened. 

      Cas suddenly jolted up from the cheap sheets. He looked around for the clock - four thirty. He couldn't sleep, not when the Winchesters are somewhere, probably at gunpoint. He threw a pillow at Gabriel, who just moaned in sorrow. He couldn't bear the luxury of sleep when the only thing that allowed him to sleep peacefully was missing. "Come on, Gabe. Let's hit the road."  

      He slowly rose, "and do what? We have a pistol and and blade, Castiel. We'll all die in there!"  

      Cas’ voice cracked as his eyes raced around the room, "well I'd rather die with them than live knowing I killed them."

      Gabriel sighed, he knew Cas was too stubborn to think, especially right now. "Fine, but we'll look like total jackasses walking in that place."

      Cas managed to pull a smile; it was probably true. He grabbed the keys and the guys; they were going to end this.

      Hours passed; only a few souls passed them by on the highway. Their hunger was heard, so they stopped at the Gas 'N' Sip they had stopped prior. 

      Cas went down the isle to get a case and a few things to eat while the henchmen took position outside. They stood by their bikes, guns in hands, guarding the perimeter as they got what they needed.

      Gabriel looked at the atlas to see where they were actually headed. He traced his finger down the colored highways until he reached the designated coordinates; Asmodeus Manor. He tapped the book and stuck a stirrer in his mouth, "I found the place Cas."

      Cas smiled, "didn't know we lost it."  

      Gabriel huffed, and his head was shortly greeted by the counter. A tall guy slammed his head against the register counter and zip tied his hands behind his back.

      When Cas heard the commotion and seen the cashier run to the break room, he pulled out the pistol and held a careful stance as he made his way to the front. He pointed the gun at the vaguely familiar man, "let him go!"

      The door's bell rung, and the short British one came in, "hello boys."

      Cas had seen these two before; they were at the gas station before. He pointed the gun at the British guy, "who the hell are you and why are you following us!"

      He held up his hands, "well, first thing's first; I'm Crowley. That's Balthazar."

      Cas shook the gun, signaling Crowley to get to the point. "Calm down boy. Just follow us and-"

      "Why in god's name would we follow you?"

      "Let me finish and I'll tell you why, hm?" He slowly put his hands down and eased himself toward Cas, "we work for Don. You heard of him I know. Long story short, Don wants the both of you, alive."

      Cas lowered the gun a bit, "what about the rest of the guys? What's gonna happen with them?"

      Crowley and Balthazar traded a look, "we already took care of that." Balthazar's voice rang in his head - he hoped they didn't do anything permanent.

      "What did you do to them?"

      Balthazar smiled, "well follow us and we'll show you." Crowley gave his partner a look, then he intervened, "we're supposed to bring you two to Don so let's go."

      "How do I know you're not gonna kill us?"

      "Jesus Christ kid!" Crowley rolled his eyes, "because Don wants you alive! Now come on or else we'll treat you like the rest of your pigs!"

      Cas slowly put the gun in his trench coat, "fine. But we're keeping our weapons."

      Crowley shrugged, "I don't need to tie you down do I? Unless you're into kinky stuff like that?" Cas glared at him as the men laughed.

      They walked out the door and the the world hit Cas harder than anything else. All of the henchmen were dead. "Holy shit!" Gabriel fussed in Balthazar's grip. "Oh yes, we should've mentioned that your crew is dead. Silencers and snipers are hell of a combination." Don's men dragged each heavy body in their Lincolns. Cas stared in horror as their corpses made a trail of red behind them. He barely knew these guys but they didn't hesitate to die for him. Maybe that's what he'll do now. 

      The Impala was surrounded by Cadillacs, all in obsidian. Balthazar cut the zip tie, "you're free to use your dumpster on wheels. Just know you won't be able to leave."

      The remaining two Wayward Sons got into the car and watched in the side mirrors, the bikes were being torched. This was what they were talking about. He watched the bikes lose their color and slowly melt under the hellish flames.

      He closed his eyes and hoped none of this had just happened. Hoped he'd wake up in the motel room, watching his less-than-virgin lover leave him. Hoped he'd have to get back to school before classes started. However, it had failed; he had failed everything it seemed. He had failed Dean, Gabriel, Sam. He had failed his younger siblings, his father. He truly, in this moment, had failed everyone who was ever close to him. He started the car in extreme anguish, and followed hollowly those who had hurt him immensely and would do it all again.

      It was only a short drive to civilization, and to a huge mansion. It must have been built centuries ago; it held the front lawn of a sixties-style home, but the construction had to be mid-eighteen hundredths. The architecture was flawless and classy; twirls, flowers, and ancient Gods no longer remembered stood in their place - engraved in the building. The mansion was draped in marble, silver and gold; unlike the one they had stayed at for some time. Elegant, ironic. The huge metal gates held initials, too rusty to be read. They slowly creaked open and they drove in. They made a slight turn in front of the door and were greeted by many well-dressed butlers. They stood proud as they opened the doors of all the cars. Gabriel and Cas got out, dressed much inappropriately. The butlers lead them in and right by the door was a woman, much smaller in construction. She held out suit covers, "Don wants you to present yourselves well. He refuses to communicate with those underdressed, like yourselves." Her heavy Irish accent was calm and easy, forced, as if she was ignorant of the duties held in this very home. She held out the bags, and they accepted them without a word. She twirled her finger in the air, telling them to turn around. They did as they were asked and she took their coats.

      She began walking and they followed her to a bedroom, where they were allowed to dress. "If you need, you may also bathe. It's not required, but advised." She pointed to a large mahogany door and walked out the room.

      Gabe looked at the million-dollar suit, "dude my car isn't even worth as much as this goddamn suit."

      Cas snickered. How can Gabriel keep his individualistic comedic sense in a time like this? He unbuttoned his shirt and threw it on the bed. His tank top reeked of sweat and booze, but he decided to keep it on because fuck Don. He struggled to put on the suit, and turned to see how Gabriel was coping (there was nothing Gabriel hated more than wearing suits). As expected, Gabriel fussed into the suit and failed to fix the tie. "Fuck it, we're gonna die anyway."

      Cas looked at him, "might as well die looking like ourselves."

      Gabriel turned to him and they had a moment of silence for themselves. They truly believed they were going to die there, and they were ready to face it. They stared at each other for a moment, then killed it. They grabbed each other and hugged tightly. Gabe patted Cas' back as he embraced him in all seriousness. "Cas?"

      "Yeah Gabe?"

      "Thank you for putting up with me." He separated from him, "if I had a chance to choose how I die, I think this would be it, y’know, minus the suits."

      Cas smiled and held back his tears, "yeah. Definitely. Thank you for changing my life. There would be no one else on this planet I would die for other than Dean." Gabriel laughed under his breath and hugged him one last time. "Thank you for opening my eyes Gabriel."

      "Thank you for letting me get ahold of them."

      They hugged tightly then released. There was a knock on the door, "Don would like to see you now." They smiled and left the room.

      They followed Crowley down massive marble hallways and down a bigger-than-life spiral staircase. Everything was stone, so something was bound to happen.

      They reached the basement and muffled classical music filled he air. The air started getting colder and colder as they reached a large wooden door, which held a door knocker; the massive loop was held by a hound, far less than heavenly. 

      The door creaked open and behind it was a monolithic stone room. It was medieval classy; the large dyed sisal rug had a welcoming feel to it. The fireplace did nothing but illuminate the room slightly. On the extremely long dinner table was a vintage record player, brass horn and crooked record stylus. Familiar it was - it was the very same record player from the safe house. Cas’ heart dropped to the floor as he realized that he was right, unfortunately. The record wobbled under the needle as slow war music contended to play. The stone floors were unforgiving and held a sense of misery to them, and reached to the back of the room, that revealed a tall figure, the same one at the motel. He sat comfortably in his throne as he scrutinized his new victims walking down the room towards him. "Stop." The figure finally spoke, and his voice was not something either would have thought Don would sound like. He sounded young and full of energy; he shouldn't be Don nonetheless. Not yet at least, he was way too young - and American. Don Lucifer began making his way out of his throne-like chair. He entered the dim light and Cas felt more than sick. He was repulsed; ‘just kill me now’ flooded his mind as he stopped in front of them, revealing his whole self.

      Don held open arms and let out a wide smile, "Castiel! It’s so nice to see you!"


	14. The Ghost of You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _At the end of the world, or the last thing I see_   
>  _You are never coming home, never coming home_   
>  _Could I? Should I?_   
>  _And all the things that you never ever told me_   
>  _And all the smiles that are ever gonna haunt me_   
>  _Never coming home, never coming home_   
>  _Could I? Should I?_   
>  _And all the wounds that are ever gonna scar me_   
>  _For all the ghosts that are never gonna catch me_

      Cas stared in confusion as Don hugged him. Gabriel looked back and forth, "you guys are - brothers! Castiel what the hell is going on!" Cas felt like Gabe was a vulture, waiting for his food to decay before biting at it. He pierced his blues as he thought the worst.  
      "Gabriel, I - I have no idea who he -"  
      "Oh yeah," Lucifer intervened, "we're not technically brothers so to speak. I'm your half brother. My mom and your dad, however this is my dad's place, may that son of a bitch rest in peace."  
      Gabriel was beyond confused, and Cas was on that same level. He had never heard of 'his half brother' Lucifer, nor was he ever mentioned. "How come I've never heard of you?"  
      Don smiled and vainly walked back to his throne, "because your dad hates me. Which, by the way, I meant to send condolences but said father forbade me, since it technically was my fault."  
      Cas' heart dropped to the ground, "what?"  
      "Hmm, papa bear didn't tell you? When you were high as can be, I let the little rats in your room. I even pulled out the dope and spoon-fed it to them. They had it coming though; they -"  
      Cas pulled out the gun and pointed it at Don, which resulted in his men whipping theirs out as well. "You killed my family! I spent years beating myself up! Time wasted, blood lost; I was ready to put a bullet in my head and you didn't have the goddamn decency to fucking tell me!"  
      Don mocked surrender and held his hands up, "I said I was sorry. And I wouldn't pull the trigger if I were you. Then my men here," he pointed, "would shoot  you until you looked like a sponge. Tough shit, I understand, but come on." He put his hands down and stood up, prompting Cas to lower the gun, and he obliged. "Listen son, it's not my fault your dad is a prick for not telling you, but don't shoot your brother over something so petty."  
      Cas' jaw dropped and Gabriel took a step back away from him; he knew what was going to happen and didn't want to be part of the crossfire. "Petty? They were children!" Cas yelled so loud, it echoed a million times before dying. "They weren't even eight years old! Who the fuck are you!" Cas pushed Lucifer back and one of his men jabbed the angry blue-eyed man in the back with a bat. He dropped to his knees is absolute agony and Gabe ran to him, trying to help him up.  
      Don lifted his shoulders, "I told you. Now I forgot why I wanted you alive."  
      "I believe it had to do something with the Winchesters," Balthazar spoke from the corner of the room.  
      "Oh that's right! Bring them in, and take as much time as you need."  
      Balthazar nodded, and stepped out into the corridor. Lucifer turned back the Cas, who shakily stood up with Gabe's assistance. "Do you know why brought  them here? Do you even know who I am?"  
      "You're a great big bag of dicks for one thing." Gabriel spoke loud and incautiously; his signature tone.  
      Lucifer smiled, "cute, really. I am a Don. I own these people, just as much as I own you."  
      "I don't think thats something you publicize. Lack of ownership shows -"  
      Lucifer shut Gabriel up with a swift punch in the jaw. He fell to the floor; his lips holding a strand of blood on his chin. Lucifer took a cloth and wiped down his knuckles, "smart-asses like you don't live long, you know." He began to glide slowly towards Cas, "and that's why Dean is here. He can't seem to shut the hell up."  
      Cas rolled his eyes and reached to lift his friend from the floor, but was swatted away by Don. Cas glared at him with nothing but rage, and Lucifer brushed it off as if Cas was a child. The belittlement Don made Cas feel was unbearable. He was used to having something over everyone else; intelligence, grades, connections. The tables have turned, and Cas wasn't ready to accept it.  
      He stood there, completely befuddled and drowning in self hate. He was ready to do something stupid, and he did just that. He pulled out his gun and shot Don.  
      The sound would definitely bounce off those walls for an eternity. Don Lucifer jerked forward but, like his reign, would not dare fall. He stopped his men from shooting, and slowly turned to face the stupid insanity. He pulled a smirk as he moved menacingly toward him. He was swift, almost gliding across the floors.  
      He grabbed Cas by his collar, lifted him from the stone, and threw him against the cold, damp floor.  
      Gabriel tried to get the jump on Don, but his men held him back as he fussed violently in their arms. One of Don's men (who was actually one of many women on his team), knelt down and took the gun from his side.  
      The impact busted Cas' head open, so much so his blood stained his scalp and darkened the floor and stained the rug. He felt like someone had beaten his head with a metal bat. The pain rushed through his head as his vision blurred the lines between animate and inanimate.  
      Don bent his back and hovered over him, his collar wrinkled in his fist, "look at what I have done in my father's name; look at -"  
      The door opened and the Winchesters almost fell into the room. The first thing Dean had seen was Cas, bloodied and motionless on the ground. He tried to release himself from the grips of the mobsters, but failed miserably. He didn't know if he was dead, or was on the verge of it, but he didn't care. Cas needed to be held and Dean needed to hold him. He felt his eyes sting as he watched his other half struggle to get up from his own idiocy.  
      Cas stood up unstable on his own two feet, and nauseatingly turned to see Dean in his vision. He stared into his emerald eyes and seen nothing but the look.  
      It was the look he never wanted to see. The same look Dean gave him back at the abandoned mansion, after shoving him into the wall. The look hurt him more than the pain he felt when he thought he killed his siblings; because Dean was more than love. He was absolutely everything to him - Dean was the sun and the moon. He was the world and the universe. He was the only reason Cas didn't hang in the clouds; he was down to earth because of him, for him and him only. All be dammed if he was hurt.  
      "He's a keeper, D."  
      Dean looked at Don in total disgust. There was only one person who was allowed to call him D, the only one who actually called him D was dead. "Only my friends call me D."  
      Don looked legitimately surprised, "I thought we were friends. I'm hurt."  
      The Winchester glared at him, "maybe you should drop off the fucking planet."  
      "Fine, Winchester. Let's get back to business - get this show on the road."  
      Four chairs were set up in front of the throne and the boys took their own. Lucifer slumped in his grand throne as he gathered his words. "Where do we begin? You betrayed our contract, you made drugs on a property I gave you for protection, you tried to play me for a moron, you just shot me, you spit at me and to be honest your delinquent offenses could go on, but we shall take one step at a time, yes?  
      "Sam Winchester, you, I will start with."  
      "I haven't done anything worth a bullet."  
      Worth a bullet? Cas' heart sank to the deepest pit of hell.  
      "No, not really. But your lives aren't even worth a rusty butter knife either. You're accused of murdering my secretary. She was a nice lady."  
      "That's - she attacked me first! It was self defense! You told her to kill me!"  
      Don smiled, "did you not try and successfully kill my secretary?"  
      "You sent her to kill me!"  
      "So you're guilty!"  
      He stood up and a classic revolver was given to him, wrapped in red silk. He snapped out the barrel and put a single gold bullet in it and spun the barrel. "A fiddle of gold for your soul tells me I'm better than you." He slowly lowered the gun to his head, "should you live and let another die, would you kill yourself?"  
      "Never."  
      "Good, then let's hope for the best."  
      Gabriel couldn't help but to try and stop it. "Don't you dare," his voice cracked.  
      Lucifer pointed the revolver at Gabriel, "fine, then you, I suppose."  
      "Gabe stop it!" Sam's voice was deep and harsh, as if he screamed for hours.  
      "I can't watch you die, Sammy! I can't!" At this point, tears were already running down his face.  
      "Look guys, this is all very romantic but I got a date in a few hours. Gotta be in Rome, so if we could speed this up?" Lucifer waved the gun around as if it was nothing, but the boys didn't look away from each other. Deep in each other's eyes they were, and not ready to move on.  
      Sam held Gabe's hand tightly, "for the love of God please shut up. Gabriel I  
promise I can handle -"  
      His voice was cut short by a loud bang and ripple noise. That, in fact, was the noise that would dwell in the house; that was the sound of two people dying. Gabriel's face was speckled with red spots and running lines. Sam's head dropped back as his muscles let go of everything. His hand was no longer comforting Gabriels'; his breath was no longer speaking. It seemed like the world moved in slow motion. Trembling, his voice shook, "Sam?"  
      His voice broke as did his heart, both equally noticeable. His ears rang not with the gunshot, but with his voice.  
      Don's men shoved his lifeless body off the chair and Gabriel willingly followed. He stood on his knees, hanging over his body, trying to not break apart wholly. He sobbed loudly and slowly picked up his Winchester, cradling him in his weak arms. He held him tightly as his eyes were glossy and tears ran the same track down his cheeks. Gabriel wiped the blood from his own elegant face, slowly becoming lighter and lighter as his heart was tearing itself apart. The hole in his head didn't matter, but it made all the difference. Blood ran down Sam's forehead and pooled in his palms. He looked into Sam's eyes one last time before closing them. He kissed his soft but stiff lips, and hugged him as tightly as possible for the last time. "I love you so much Sammy," he managed to stutter in his ear.  
      Gabriel didn't need a response; he knew Sam had loved him more than life itself, and he proved so.  
      Dean, on the other hand, was silent. He stared, wide and misty eyed, as he trembled in his own seat. He didn't fuss; they both knew this was going to happen.  
      "Not very good last words. And I didn't even know the bullet was front line. Damn, I'm just that lucky."  
      Gabriel looked up at Don devilishly, ready to strangle him. "Fuck...you," he managed to say between his sobs.  
      Dean couldn't look up from his brother. That was not in his nature, but he did have a say. "Those weren't his last words. That was just noise."  
      "Then what were his last words, if you don't mind me asking?" Lucifer was calm and curious, just in his nature.  
      Dean dragged a smirk, "see you on the other side." He looked up at Don, who only looked back.  
      He took no time to repeat his process, though. A single bullet in the barrel, a spin, and a click. He pointed the gun at the remaining Winchester.  
      Dean turned to Cas and held tightly his hand. "Cas," he started, "Cas whatever happens, don't blame yourself. Please, for as long as you live, never hurt yourself because of this. Live as if I am waiting for you at the end of the day."  
      His voice got deeper and stabbed Cas in the heart coldly and steadily. "Live as if none of this happened to us. Live as if this was never your life. Just promise me that."  
      Tears slowly crept down Cas' face, forcing him to close his eyes tightly. His voice cracked, "but Dean-"  
      "Shut up and promise me this one thing. That's all I want you to do, do you understand me?"  
      His grip tightened as he seen Lucifer ready himself for the execution. He never left Cas' eyes or palm. "Promise me that," he whispered.  
      Cas swallowed hard; his face held streaks of his pain. "I promise."  
      Don Lucifer tightened his grip of the revolver, and pulled the trigger. The sound was heavenly, nothing but an empty click. Castiel slowly opened his eyes to see Dean, redness shadowing out his freckles, alive he was.  
      Cas' heart regained a normal rhythm, while Dean's raced faster than before - so much so Cas felt his pulse in his fingertips.  
      Lucifer had more than a disappointed look on his face, "looks like only one less Winchester then."  
      Dean slowly looked at Don, who seemed to notice but didn't take note. "You killed my brother."  
      His voice contained every ounce of hate, rage and anguish. Every ounce of every emotion ever built inside this man's body, in a single sentence.  
      "And I'll kill your friend here too."  
      Before Dean could stand, Gabriel did, and with the very same situation, "you killed him."  
      Don raised his chin, attempting to assert his dominance, "and I will kill you  
now."  
      Gabriel didn't dare look away or ease his glare. "You hide behind a gun; I don't understand why people fear you." He began walking towards Don, "you hide behind something that can kill someone instantly because you fear a fight."  
      "A fight is what you want? Fine," he handed the revolver to the red-haired Irish woman, "we're gonna fight."  
      He raised his fists, and Gabriel lunged at him; but was greeted by a blade. Instantaneously, the suit began to bleed. Lucifer held the widow, and said nothing. He looked directly in his eyes, and dragged the knife up, from gut to rib. Gabriel was released and fell.  
      He shook vigorously as he struggled to get to Sam, who was lain according to that of a burial - hands folded on his chest, looking as peaceful as peaceful could get. He managed to make it half way, but stopped. His hand slowly pulled itself to Sam's stiff, cold arm, and his fingers curled around him. Cas watched in horror as his chest heaved tirelessly. His blood began to pool under him.  
      Don Lucifer wasn't done with him, though. He squatted down next to him, "never assume the best of me," he whispered. He stood up, and put his foot on his neck.  
      "Don stop it!"  
      He turned to Dean, who was finally standing, "get off of him now."  
      Don smiled, "stay humble, dear." Don lifted his foot, then forced it down on Gabe's neck. His throat made a distinct, deep, individualistic pop, and simultaneously, blood leaked out of his weak mouth. His right hand gave attention to his neck, while his left held Sam tighter. He mouthed 'I love you', and slowly faded.  
      Cas instantly died. Gabriel was his only close friend, even more than that. He watched his brothers die silently and terribly. This was it, this was the time he felt comfortable dying painfully. The feeling of hot metal in his skull wouldn't be as painful as this, and he was more than ready for it.  
      He stood up next to Dean and took hold of his posture. They stood like temples, tall, strong and ready to be worn out. Cas' heartbeat pounded painfully against his chest. He looked toward Dean for reassurance, and was not comforted at all. He felt his head begin to sweat as Don wiped the blade, "come on,  Dean. Did you honestly think he had a chance?"  
      He stood silently, until something in his soul pressed against his head and prompted him to speak, "I always did."  
      Cas slowly eased his hand near Dean's, and he slowly curled his finger around his. At first, the Winchester didn't respond, but adrenaline kicked in and he tightly held on. Don slowly and easily glided over the stone and held himself in front of them; he seemed to tower over them immensely. He tensely looked into those emeralds Cas had loved to much, while the emeralds stayed strong. The winter blue began to break.  
      "You had a single job - obey orders. Everything that is happening now, is the result of your own stupidity." At the sound of the venom, Don's hand hit the Winchester's face, making him fall, spit, and rise again. The sting of the gold reddened his cheek and sharpened the wound in Castiel's heart. The pain was felt in his bloodstream, and he couldn't do a damn thing.  
      Don Lucifer's hand waved, and the demon-pact spilt them apart. The lovers were dragged forcefully, arms stuck stiff behind their backs as the others dragged the Shakespearean romance out, their blood staining the carpet. Cas slowly closed his eyes; he never wanted to see that. Those will be the memories that would haunt him every day and every night - he was ready to die.  
      Don revived his gun and put it to Dean's mouth. He shrugged the weapon off his face, and he gave him the signature 'fuck you' look. The gun was centimeters from his face and the hammer was pulled.  
      Cas tightly closed his eyes to hold back the tears. He tried to leave mentally, but he couldn't leave Dean behind.  
      Dean looked in the eyes of death, and went with him in a bang. The noise rang in Cas' ears, much more painfully then before. He shook where he stood and slowly opened his eyes to see Don Lucifer, gun still held up. There were red spots all over his face, and some ran down his cheek. He achingly turned his head; Dean was no longer there.  
      Cas' mouth hung open as he seen his world beaten, broken and dead. Don's men released him and he immediately dropped to his knees.  
      He held Dean's cheek and closed his empty eyes. He tried to close the wound, but that only covered his hand in massive amounts of blood. "Dean?" Cas whispered so faintly nobody seemed to notice.  
      He looked down at his chest; the blood on his dress shirt revealed his Metallica shirt underneath. Cas pulled a quick smirk, which dropped when Don's hand leaned on his shoulder. He didn't turn around, and Lucifer began, "this should be a lesson to you, kid. Everything that occurred here, it could've been prevented. So you can leave with a dash of knowledge - listen to your orders, do your orders, complete your task."  
      Don's hand dragged off him and the Irish woman helped him get up. She looked at him with sympathy, "come on darling, it's time for you to go home."  
      He looked back at Dean, "what about them?"  
      She played with her fingers and looked at the ground, "you get to take them." She leaned in close to him and whispered, "take care of your friend."  
      He looked at her and she just looked around the room and grabbed onto his arm. She led him outside, and the sun burned him. It was high noon, and the first time in hours he had seen sunlight, even plants. They stood there, the woman expecting a few words.  
      "Why did this really happen? I know what Don said, but why did this have to happen?"  
      The woman pursed her lips and thought for a second, "bad people have bad things happen to them."  
      Castiel smirked, "so Don?"  
      She smiled, "all of this will catch up to him. Sam and Dean were too strong for Don. That's why they had to die. Don knew if they lived they'd kill him." She pushed his sweaty hair back, "but don't you worry about it darling, he's going to meet vengeance."  
      Cas smirked, "I think your the only one who isn't like the rest."  
      She smiled, "well when you're on a mission, remember me, Rowena."  
      He nodded and looked at the Impala, which was still in mint condition. He slowly walked toward the car when one of Don's men called out to him. The bodies of the Winchesters were in body bags and carried to the car.  
      They were easily and peacefully put on the seat and floor. Gabriel's body was over a shoulder and put in the passenger side. He looked as good as dead.  
      Cas watched them all walk away, except Rowena. She stayed, and waved at him. He ignored her, got into the car and drove off.


	15. Epilogue - Carry On Wayward Son

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Carry on my Wayward Son_   
>  _There'll be peace when you are done_   
>  _Lay your weary head to rest_   
>  _Don't you cry no more_

      He drove for a day and a half, and finally stopped at a motel near the state sign. He was in the outskirts of Kansas, and needed to get to Lawrence. He stayed the night, woke in the break of dawn and continued his drive.

      Cas got there in a few hours and found a lake. He took out the corpses and laid them on the grass, then opened one quarter way, and Sam looked just as he did, still tan only lighter. He held the zipper to Dean's and stared. He tightly held to it, and slowly inched it open. Dean was still Dean. His skin only got half a shade lighter, and he was still covered in freckles.

      Tears burned Cas' eyes as he stood over their bodies. He put them close together, and rummaged through the trunk. He found the Winchesters' coats and covered them. He grabbed the shovel and began digging their graves. Cas was completely deaf and numb. All he seen was his worlds torn apart. 

He gently put their bodies in their graves, took off his own coat and put it over Dean. He stood there with the shovel in hand, and Gabriel stumbled out of the car.

      He returned to the car to help him. Gabe pointed to the trunk, and in it was Dean's shirt. It was grey, but stained black from the shirt. He sighed and held tighter on to Gabriel. He limped while holding his sewn up wound. Cas helped him take off his coat and put it over Sam. He then took a huge pile of dirt and dropped it on the Winchesters. It took a moment for Cas to add another, but when he did, the started to feel again. The sunrise gave the lake an unfortunate memorable look. Gabriel stared at the bodies that slowly disappeared into the earth.

      Gabriel continued to stare at them, "so what now?" He was still weak and his voice was raspy from the continuous crying.

      Cas shrugged, "I have something on my mind, but you need to focus on getting better."

      Gabriel nodded and finally took his eyes off the graves. Cas didn't leave it for a second, for he thought deeply. He imagined a flame engulf entire cities, burn everyone he wanted it to burn. He wanted to start his own fire. There would be no end, and he intended on keeping it that way.


End file.
